Beltaine 2016

  
My intention for this Beltaine is to redefine and reconfirm relationships to myself and to those closest to me. I recommend journaling, as I did this morning already, on what currently works and doesn’t, what needs are met and not, what is to be done and how you intend to go about it. Setting intentions during this season of relationships and intimacy is very important. As the trees continue to bloom in their lushness and fragrant amour let your connections grow stronger and more fulfilling than ever. Enjoy the feeling of belonging to yourself first and foremost and extending that love outwards, which ultimately leads to fruitful life all around.

Blessed Beltaine!

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Detachment

  
Let’s talk about detachment – a process of letting go off something or someone you previously imagined simply impossible to let go off for the fear of disappearing into oblivion. Possession and control are not heart centred, it is fear driven and fed by insecurity of being. In order to understand detachment and experience it successfully in a way beneficial to all one must look within and allow for the process of healing, integration and transformation to occur. For some it happens fast for others it takes a life time. 

Open up your awareness to a possibility of freedom like you never felt before… Where are you in the process towards letting go off attachment which has a hold on you and threatens to leave you barren should everything fall away. This applies to physical possessions, jobs, people, ideas, beliefs. 

Love is all expansive. It is free in its core, free giving and free receiving. It is a flowing river of exchange between souls. When love becomes hooked on conditions and attachments it loses its shine. It solidifies into matter that is no longer flexible. It becomes an illusion of what we believe it should be. Detachment requires no sacrifices when one feels whole within. Instead it feels like a breath ever sustaining and nourishing and no matter what happens one has this secure inner knowing that all will be ok, you will be ok. You have you, you have the love of the universe flowing through you always and forever… 

My Beltaine darkness

Here is a revealing authentic post.  Beautiful hawthorn blossoms invite you into the lushness of the forest where the Green man is getting ready for the dance of the year with the Maiden queen. Colours are bright, senses are open in anticipation of the ritual and there is a smell of love in the air.

I am NOT feeling it and instead my whole being is enveloped into a sense of dark pain.

A week or two before Beltaine every year I find myself in emotional darkness feeling my body and soul triggered into innate trauma of loneliness and betrayal. I first became aware of this pattern a couple of years ago when I found myself wanting to hide and in ill health before and during May day celebrations, at a time when everyone is full of joy, vigour and high energy of union and vibrancy.

This year it is no different for me, but what I would like to set my intention on and realise this time round is that, perhaps, it is time to begin breaking the pattern, although part of my process had always been this year accepting and admitting that some things one just can’t get over. Interestingly that admission liberated something within me and now allowing me to look at what practices I could employ to ease the pain further.

I am a deeply wounded and scarred maiden during spring time and in no way looking for a union with the Green man or any other man. This season is bereft with loss, betrayal and heartache for me. As I write this I feel the energy within me very strongly, the energy of complete block to love, softness and utter distrust in anything remotely male.

If I was to visualize this experience I would describe it as seeing and feeling a tear in the skin, in my flesh. A wound, which would be useless to mend, it is completely torn. Mending it or, at least, attempting to mend it would inflict more pain on my being unnecessarily. What, I feel would work best here is letting it go, burring it, mourning it and focusing on the remaining flesh around. Effectively what it looks like is a place where I start from the very beginning, afresh, and create something completely new whether it is a new attitude, a way of being with the experience, a way to think about it and a way of relating. A way that would suit me and no one else. It is also a process of finding out what I can and can’t accept, whether I am able to hold a relationship from this point on and whether I actually need one and if I do, what would it look like.

Other very strong emotions associated with this time of year is love and loneliness – my major wounding places, and this innate sadness and melancholy that I carry around and especially in relation to those things. When I was hurt I was very young and the pain of that betrayal had been the worst emotional and physical pain I have experienced so far. I could physically feel my heart breaking in that moment and my innocence leaving me with my breath, which I felt was going to kill me.

It is great for me to know, accept and admit this pattern of complex interrelationships within my life and my psyche based on my experiences and begin to contemplate a way forward, building a new path for myself, which has a new flavour, colour and texture to it. I feel I need to perform a burial and witness a rebirth of something.  These awareness will translate into my creating an altar this Beltaine representing my intention for this season and the next few month. I might even do some LOVE magic for myself and generally for surrounding areas of my life including people closest to me.

Will I be making love to the Green man and integrating him, I don’t think so, not yet, as redefining my inner masculine is work in progress and I am not looking to merge with anything or anyone till I know what would serve me the best. The Green man is a figure for me to explore more, for sure, as interestingly enough it is quite vague and undefined for me, almost empty compared to the Goddess or other deities within the Wheel of the Year. He is not strong enough, which is my projection on the masculine in general for me generally where in my anger I labelled ‘male’ weak and unnecessary. I banished it into the shadow. Perhaps, working with that anger using Fire might ease some of the growing resentment in my flesh and psyche.

What is present also is a sense of realism, with which comes a sense of hope in the ultimate goodness of the universe and my belief that everything happens for my highest good. I walk the walk of the Goddess through the seasons with delicious awareness of the light and dark of my experience and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Blessings!

‘Let it bleed’- intuitive painting

This is an intuitive painting I did following my receiving some bad news on Monday. Emotions were stirred up in corners so deep that the next day I was intensely aware I am not the same person. I decided to do a painting to illuminate my inner state and this is the result. Looking at it now I understand some elements of it and the way they are laid out on canvas. I can also see a face, which I actually really like and my intuitive choice of colours speak volumes.

I called it ‘Let it bleed’

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All living in corners dark

Let it bleed

Shine the light on the wounds unseen

Let it bleed

The Divine love overflow is always present

Let it bleed

The love one feels for the whole within

Let it bleed

Emotions, blood, new life, old scars and the voice within

Let it bleed

Good and bad, soft and hard, sharp and blunt, new and old

Let it bleed

Let all the colours of the rainbow shine on the face of Spirit and

Let it bleed

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Purification process 2016

Purification and cleansing is the signature of this year. It has been a difficult process like layers being stripped off, removed with swift movements and often without much break in between. It really is time, universe means business, I feel, and yes, it feels abrupt, unapologetic, but necessary. It is also a strange place to be and reconcile with one hit after another of intense emotional states and up and down moods. I hold the faith in nature knowing it is what it is meant to be.

So far intuitive information has pointed towards sorting out and saying good-bye to bad habits once and for all, as it appears that whatever had accumulated over the years in our environment, that would include physical and emotional bodies, no longer fits with the purpose of today. There’s energy of rejection from the body and also the spirit and a message to move up a level in health and consciousness. There’s almost no choice, one has to get on board with what is happening. There’s a need to become lighter and with the vibration of more simplicity and less density comes a more vibrant wise presence on earth. What we really need to do is get out of the way and surrender to the wisdom of our bodies and intuitive knowing.

Blessed cleansing!