Back again

Do you know how you can feel stunted by pure hatred and ignorance. What does ignorance taste like? Bile, of yellow and beige, I think. The same vibe as jealousy. Well, being stunted is not like being in shock, but more like losing all of your senses, but feeing. No matter what you do, you can not stop feeling and you cannot get other senses back.

This happened in 2022. However, as I have discovered over the course of my life, in every tricky situation there is a blessing, a learning and even a transformation. And here I am, having spent the whole year stuck in a place of intense feeling, yet frozen and devoid of imagination and creative sparkle and that freeing sense of flow, I am claiming it all back. What I have felt through the emptiness and the ugliness of the physical and human was the beauty of the spirit. It’s defiance, strength, unwavering loyalty and an unshakable sense of purpose. This year will always stay with me as a year marking my homecoming in the most profound way. There might be and will be, no doubt, more of these periods coming, yet for today, I am here, sitting fully back with myself, writing again with all my senses back together in perfect partnership. 

Life is ugly and stunningly beautiful. It is cruel and violent yet filled with tenderness and grace. It is challenging and complex yet profoundly simple. As one great writer once said ‘do not look closely at life’ meaning the beauty is in simplicity, life itself, day-to-day sparks of joy and just being alive. From tragedy come revelations. A brush with death can release and propel us into living harder. 

Let us all remember to appreciate the journey and trust ourselves to know the right way forward even though quite often it is simply one day at a time, one step at a time, and when one day an expansive landscape opens up in front of us and we know we belong and feel that God within us like it’s our own heart, that’s what we all thrive for. 

Grab that joy with both hands and run with it until our legs are exhausted in satisfaction of being able to feel the earth underneath us and our face hurts from smiling too much and all that light within is a feeling one can never explain only that it tastes sweet and it is pure like heaven on earth.

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Intuitive update – April 2022

As we approach the beginning of the ‘enlightenment period’ that starts at the end of this week and the beginning of next, many things will begin to crystalise. This update is one of those that, I know, had to be shared.

Journaling, as an activity, is getting outdated, expired. It has helped many people for many years, yet now the call is to step out of your mind and process things through your experience and the body instead. It is also a call to locate yourself firmly in the present and live each day ‘moment-by-moment’. What we are doing is not simply being in the present, which can feel confusing and intimidating, but homing in and fine-tuning of what really matters to our well-being in an overall sense and it is only by tuning into the experience and the body each day we can begin to hear what is what. My advice in my practice is also changing from processing via the mind towards processing via the body. Examples of it would be massage, sauna, hiking, stretching or simply lying on the ground or floor.

A lot of things have already expired over the last three years and will continue to do over the next year and beyond. Pay attention to what you feel does not do it for you anymore. For me it is quite a lot of things, but one or two are very clear – journaling/keeping a diary is one such activity. It feels like a clean sweep and a respectful packing away of things, perhaps, for later or forever. I believe once we have gone through this crystalising process, some things might come back into action, but in a very different form and it will feel entirely new; or they might remain as part of our experience, meaning done once and for all.

When something is expiring you might find it will be quite clear, but one sign to pay attention to when becoming aware of this dynamic of ‘things extinguishing’ is picking an activity you used to do all the time and enjoyed doing, however, in the last few months it just doesn’t cross your mind at all and when you do catch yourself thinking about it, you have a feeling of ‘forced’ about it. When you try to do it, an enormous amount of energy and emotional ‘overcome’ is required when previously it was effortless. That is one sign that it has expired if not forever, at least for now.

Journaling is a way to put your thoughts on paper, i.e., process all that is going on in your mind and gain clarity and perspective. We all know how helpful this might be, BUT there is a shadow side to journaling, if you like. One is addiction to the process and second is becoming stuck in the process of ‘thinking’, living via processing your thoughts and leaving everything else behind. Writing, in general, can be one of those activities too, as a lot of time is spent in the deep thinking and detaching from the world as we experience it. There is a type of freeze that happens when a writer is in the process. It is not good or bad, it just is and we are being called to step away from this sort of activity whatever forms it might take for you.

What needs to happen now is for us to becoming ‘alive’ in a new way via the whole experience and particularly through the body and senses. We need to experience, act upon things, as they feel to us, rather than ‘think’ about our life or our experiences in general or thinking what should and shouldn’t be or what one thought was right or not. Another way of looking at it is that we do not think about what we did and didn’t do, but begin to ‘bank’ what we did today or yesterday, meaning we own and feel our experiences and, therefore, integrate it into our whole. This could be small things, as well as big ones. It doesn’t really matter as long as they felt good in that moment or there was some learning in the experience. Take it into your body and keep it; do not go over and over it in your mind, continuing to process for days on end.

We need to focus on what is essential to us right now, not what was or wasn’t in the past (remember, it has expired, integrated).  future. This is also important and, I am sure you would have heard of this before, however, this time it is almost paramount to experience and be with yourself in a way we have not done before.

If I continue to be called, like today, to bring these updates forward, I will continue doing it.

Have a good week!

We are born with it

When engaging with the intuitive function there are ways that it might come in. I am often asked about how to learn to listen to it or how do we know that intuition is being activated. It is neither learning nor knowing it just is. It is like not knowing what colour your own eyes are. It is that innate. It is simpler than what we perceive as something to learn or know about. It is always there and the main way is through feeling.

Feeling is difficult for many through various life impacts, conditions we grew up in and messages we received regarding feelings and emotional expression in general. Doing vs being is a debate that is endless in this world and often stems from the habitual patterns of behaviour the majority developed over their life time. It is so strong, in fact, many can not name a feeling they are experiencing. So ‘what to do about intuition’ then becomes an automatic block.

For most of us, however, it is a natural thing. It just got put aside and literary forgotten as another way of navigating life. The journey of rediscovering it is exciting and I dare say when it ignites you will know. One has to be open to doing thing differently, and as many would testify this happens when old ways no longer work. When thinking is a good thing it only offers half of what we are capable of. Without adding feeling into our experience it is like functioning with a head alone, but being disconnected from the body entirely.

Having gone through the process for many years of rediscovering or rather going back to my natural way of being, which is via feeling, it feels like coming home finally. Since I was very small, for as long as I remember, I almost, one might say, fought for the right to be able to feel fully and the whole range. I was never allowed and I rebelled and rebelled until eventually in order to survive I had no choice but give it up. I am not alone in that sadly. Since then I vowed to myself that one day I will feel again whatever I want whenever I want and become me again, as feeling and intuitive way of being (linked) are the most natural me I had ever known.

To conclude I will give one example of how lately I discovered an even more nuanced way my intuition speaks. It is either a YES, a NO or a MAYBE.

When it is a YES it is very clear and I never question it. Feelings that accompany that knowing are peacefulness, certainty, calmness in my body and satisfaction. When it is a NO it is also clear, but feelings that come with it are ‘phew, thank God’, I.e. a relief, a lucky escape type of scenario, gratitude, humble awareness of things bigger than myself that guide me, joy, release and calm.

The MAY BE took me a few tries to understand and when it is a May be, it is more a NO than a YES, always. I have gone down the path of a yes when it was always a no at the end, so you might say I have tested it and sometimes paid the price. So when it is ‘not sure’, it is a NO for me.

I hope you find this interesting as I certainly do. These are fine-tuned relational threads with my own intuition but before then it is a long road back to YOU and most importantly to your feeling self.

I talk about how the journey might unfold and offer ways of connecting in my BOOK, which proved to have reawakened more in readers than just a magical practice based on what you want and how you feel in any given moment. Check it out for yourself and hope you extract something that sparks you in wanting to engage with a natural state that is our intuition.

The book that can change everything

Since the release of Intuitive Magic Practice I have received feedback from many women telling me their stories and how the book turned things around for them. Severe of them read it a couple of times and what has come out of it is an effect that was coded in, but needed the engagement of a reader to unlock the deeper message within. 

You don’t even have to be a magical practitioner although material can change the way of looking at doing magic in a different unique way. You just need to be seeking a reconnection to knowledge that had been dormant within. 

Women have decided to do things differently and began a journey of following intuition, which transformed things for them and brought changes that were needed for a long time in a way the book describes it could. 

Among many things doing your magic and life your way/intuitive way can be a way of healing the internalised ‘shoulds’. Following emotions and your body alone and doing it in private, hidden ways; using an internal natural and healthy space within you can bring contentment and fulfilment to the work and life in general. 

If you are a creature of the ‘dark’ in a good sense, prefer to be invisible and value your privacy and boundaries highly this way of doing magic can be just for you. If externalising your persona, participating in social gatherings and events, ‘dressing’ up, as others do, trigger you, then this is for you. 

Have you always known that what the collective/external does is not something that feels good, then this is for you. 

You can do what you what and how you want using only your inner voice, your body and your emotions. 

There are certain aspects of magic that are important to observe and understand for yourself and I talk about that in the book, e.g. ethics, boundaries, conducting some rituals, etc. and working with others (if you choose to do that).

The way the book is structured is easy to use and incorporate/trial things out. There is information on a topic to start with, e.g. Intuition and Dreams or Intuition and Self-care. That follows up with a real-life example, exercises, a spell or two (listed below) where relevant, and sometimes a tip to make a note of. 

Earth/Fire/Water/Air spells

Prosperity spell

Peace spell

Love spell 

Rhyming spell

Success/business spell

Releasing spell

Healing/health spell

Simple, intuitively weaved spells are powerful, as they manifest from within and your body and emotions always know what is best for where you are at a certain point. Thai work can be taken further into life and create mantras and affirmations, life hacks and psychological healing tools that will never let you down, as they are meant specifically by you for yourself. 

There is potential in this book to change all. Please read and leave me a review or let me know how and what helped you on your way. I am fascinated by women’s stories of self-rediscovery. 

ORDER HERE

Inner silence

Silence is a state where things do happen, but it is subtle. It appears in a natural order and flow of external and internal. It is not the absence of things, it is a different experience and a feeling of everything around.

Most of us know how pleasant silence can feel on outside. It is relaxing, soothing and spacious. We notice the silence around us especially when we seek it and our bodies welcome it. But external silence is useless if there’s an absence of silence within. To become silent from within is a real skill. It requires practice. When one masters internal silence and, by mastering I mean being able to come back to it over and over, not just experiencing it once, that’s where true pleasure and bliss is. Something I have been discovering over the years. When I am silent on the inside everything on outside slows down and softens. Triggers, hooks and reactions get muted somehow. They still happen but there is no noise or longevity to any of it. That state is truly and genuinely blissful. Body is relaxed in a real sense through the physical, not through mental visualisation of relaxation.

One of the first things I practiced when started exploring inner silence was to remain silent when on outside there was a situation that would ordinarily provoke a reaction or had a potential to trigger an emotion. I practiced not reacting and remaining silent and there it began to happen, the softening, the flow, the non-attachment. It felt freeing and like something new was entering my experience. It felt healing, delicate and utterly compassionate to myself and others. Inner silence is neutralising to any outside turmoil, external wars that we are presented with all the time in life. Furthermore, it appeared to neutralise my own historical wounds that would normally open and start to hurt. Instead it felt balm-like, a gentle stroke or a silky, most delicate feeling of pacifying everything. It didn’t feel false or forced, avoidant or resistant. Everything just was as it was only with the inner silence I remained intact and so did the world around me.

I have been on a life-long journey towards inner peace. Since I was a small child I knew that’s what was missing not just in me but in everyone around me. It’s no surprise for anyone with this physical reality and all we go through and finding peace amidst it all felt important. Remaining silent, taking a sacred pause was something that worked compared to all other methods that I now know came from a mental-state involvement. We simply can’t think ourselves peaceful. It has to be on a feeling level, on a physical body level, on a level that allows a different space to open up. We all have that space within but finding it takes a long time and it is so worth it when one does.

I am looking to further my experience and practice of inner silence and wonder what else can lead there. It needs and wants to be practiced on a collective level almost due to how it feels and effect it has on everything. I invite you to try finding your way of finding inner silence and truly feel it.