Back again

Do you know how you can feel stunted by pure hatred and ignorance. What does ignorance taste like? Bile, of yellow and beige, I think. The same vibe as jealousy. Well, being stunted is not like being in shock, but more like losing all of your senses, but feeing. No matter what you do, you can not stop feeling and you cannot get other senses back.

This happened in 2022. However, as I have discovered over the course of my life, in every tricky situation there is a blessing, a learning and even a transformation. And here I am, having spent the whole year stuck in a place of intense feeling, yet frozen and devoid of imagination and creative sparkle and that freeing sense of flow, I am claiming it all back. What I have felt through the emptiness and the ugliness of the physical and human was the beauty of the spirit. It’s defiance, strength, unwavering loyalty and an unshakable sense of purpose. This year will always stay with me as a year marking my homecoming in the most profound way. There might be and will be, no doubt, more of these periods coming, yet for today, I am here, sitting fully back with myself, writing again with all my senses back together in perfect partnership. 

Life is ugly and stunningly beautiful. It is cruel and violent yet filled with tenderness and grace. It is challenging and complex yet profoundly simple. As one great writer once said ‘do not look closely at life’ meaning the beauty is in simplicity, life itself, day-to-day sparks of joy and just being alive. From tragedy come revelations. A brush with death can release and propel us into living harder. 

Let us all remember to appreciate the journey and trust ourselves to know the right way forward even though quite often it is simply one day at a time, one step at a time, and when one day an expansive landscape opens up in front of us and we know we belong and feel that God within us like it’s our own heart, that’s what we all thrive for. 

Grab that joy with both hands and run with it until our legs are exhausted in satisfaction of being able to feel the earth underneath us and our face hurts from smiling too much and all that light within is a feeling one can never explain only that it tastes sweet and it is pure like heaven on earth.

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Heaven on earth search. Some ideas

The key to that heaven is within us all. It is up to us to unlock our own unique way of relating to life in what would feel blissful to us. It will be different for everyone depending on how one relates to all, processes information and what senses and functions dominate in one on an intellectual, emotional, psychical and metaphysical levels. It will also depend where you are at currently in life. Self-reflecting, e.g., as one of the most popular tools in recent psychological history, can actually create hooks, triggers and mental pitfalls that will drag us down further into a place where we eventually would become it. What if we tried to drop reflections, at least for a while. This is a new way of doing things that hopefully can create a strong enough anomaly that would allow you evolve in a new way. 

What if we emptied instead of consolidate; cleared ourselves ready not to receive but to learn to just be before we do decide to let things in again. This will apply to all aspects of the emotional spectrum, negative and positive, but before we learn how we discern individually, as it will be different, we need to learn to empty or in other words ‘detach’ from it all. 

Think of it as air, a space of light where there’s no density of any kind. It is see-through and intangible. Energy. With practice aligning with the energy of nothingness, so to speak, can produce a highly pleasable sensations to all forms within us – mental, emotional and physical. You might refer to those moments as blissful and heavenly. 

As we work ‘backwards’ from emptying to learning to receive rather than react to everything and everyone, as we are used to doing, we create a completely different way of being. 

If you are a feeling type, sensitive to all energies and also an intellectual/academic type this might work. Shutting down thoughts in a way of non-engagement, as thoughts create feelings and then behaviours, will create that sense of being light and empty. This is what I have engaged with naturally over the last few weeks post a very heavy period of overwhelm and thinking. 

Another aspect I found useful that I think might help going forward, and a part of an ‘emptying’ process is focusing on one thing at a time and doing that for some time, for up to a year. Not engaging in more than one goal, one intention, one task. You need to stick with it too and see if it somewhat aligns things in a positive way long-term. Experiment and play with it. Playfulness and freedom are important factors in this way of engagement.

For example, you might decide to focus on just your family, or just one goal or ambition without letting anything else interfere. You might decide to do this for a week, a month or a year, like I am doing. Make your world small in other words. When in nature, for example, try focusing on the detail rather than on the overall surroundings/whole environment. It does something on the inside that feels cosy and grounding and, therefore, safe. We can all do with feeling more safe. Condense and consolidate in ways that will feel protective and self-contained rather than overwhelming.

Most things that do overwhelm us are actually out of our control and when we focus in that way and essentially disperse ourselves and lose all boundaries it creates a lack of meaning and a feeling of being lost as a result.

We are born with it

When engaging with the intuitive function there are ways that it might come in. I am often asked about how to learn to listen to it or how do we know that intuition is being activated. It is neither learning nor knowing it just is. It is like not knowing what colour your own eyes are. It is that innate. It is simpler than what we perceive as something to learn or know about. It is always there and the main way is through feeling.

Feeling is difficult for many through various life impacts, conditions we grew up in and messages we received regarding feelings and emotional expression in general. Doing vs being is a debate that is endless in this world and often stems from the habitual patterns of behaviour the majority developed over their life time. It is so strong, in fact, many can not name a feeling they are experiencing. So ‘what to do about intuition’ then becomes an automatic block.

For most of us, however, it is a natural thing. It just got put aside and literary forgotten as another way of navigating life. The journey of rediscovering it is exciting and I dare say when it ignites you will know. One has to be open to doing thing differently, and as many would testify this happens when old ways no longer work. When thinking is a good thing it only offers half of what we are capable of. Without adding feeling into our experience it is like functioning with a head alone, but being disconnected from the body entirely.

Having gone through the process for many years of rediscovering or rather going back to my natural way of being, which is via feeling, it feels like coming home finally. Since I was very small, for as long as I remember, I almost, one might say, fought for the right to be able to feel fully and the whole range. I was never allowed and I rebelled and rebelled until eventually in order to survive I had no choice but give it up. I am not alone in that sadly. Since then I vowed to myself that one day I will feel again whatever I want whenever I want and become me again, as feeling and intuitive way of being (linked) are the most natural me I had ever known.

To conclude I will give one example of how lately I discovered an even more nuanced way my intuition speaks. It is either a YES, a NO or a MAYBE.

When it is a YES it is very clear and I never question it. Feelings that accompany that knowing are peacefulness, certainty, calmness in my body and satisfaction. When it is a NO it is also clear, but feelings that come with it are ‘phew, thank God’, I.e. a relief, a lucky escape type of scenario, gratitude, humble awareness of things bigger than myself that guide me, joy, release and calm.

The MAY BE took me a few tries to understand and when it is a May be, it is more a NO than a YES, always. I have gone down the path of a yes when it was always a no at the end, so you might say I have tested it and sometimes paid the price. So when it is ‘not sure’, it is a NO for me.

I hope you find this interesting as I certainly do. These are fine-tuned relational threads with my own intuition but before then it is a long road back to YOU and most importantly to your feeling self.

I talk about how the journey might unfold and offer ways of connecting in my BOOK, which proved to have reawakened more in readers than just a magical practice based on what you want and how you feel in any given moment. Check it out for yourself and hope you extract something that sparks you in wanting to engage with a natural state that is our intuition.

Intuition as remembering

Think of intuition as a forgotten memory. If you knew something once you can remember it again, and the way to do it is via your feelings and awareness.

Firstly though, and this is why psychological work goes hand in hand with remembering who you are, we must analyse what we are thinking about ourselves, others and the world around it. Thoughts we think produce certain feelings and then we act according to what we believe and think and how those make us feel.

If accessing your intuition memory seems difficult start with your beliefs and thoughts and pay close attention to your feelings. Feelings and inner knowing are closely connected. Feelings let us know where we are at any given moment and if we pay attention we can extract further messages. For example, we can navigate situations and base our actions accordingly. We can make changes if something doesn’t feel good and when we feel bad we can link it to what we might be thinking about ourselves, others or a situation we are in.

Intuition has not left you. Its voice simply got silences and it is very likely been lying dormant for some time. It did so because no value was given to it externally and we internalised it as something without value, essentially useless. Sounds familiar? Feelings have been devalued in the same way for millennia as a way of knowing who we actually are and always have been. They wanted us to forget and to survive and fit in we often needed to forget.

Now we can reclaim it by returning to body, feelings, awareness of beliefs and see if new information becomes a remembered old. Ask yourself ‘who am I with my intuition back where it belongs and who am I without?’

Some of this I talk about in my book Pagan Portals Intuitive Magic Practice and take ideas on intuition into areas of living your magic within and without and actually practicing magic in a way you were always meant to – via your own intuition.

Intuition is your superpower

https://druidlife.wordpress.com/2021/04/29/reclaiming-intuition/