Approaching the Hag

Order here

What of her in these times of destruction and division? She is angry and she is hungry. Furious at humanity and hungry for punishment and resolution. 

The forest is on fire and the walls around her dwelling, which is now a fortress, are higher than they’ve ever been before. 

The horsemen are dressed in black. Their armour heavy in readiness for destruction of its own kind – complete elimination of nature and all that is human. They are ready to carry out her will. 

She’s furious and in mourning for humanity that is no longer… yet there’s an opening, a small one, a loose panel in her fortress wall for those, who are still aware of their soul; that element that remains unaffected, pure and unchanged. Hope it is not, but a connection to what they are from the root. She thinks of those, who have some memory of where to go to become whole again. However faint the memory is by now, it is still there and she smells it. 

I feel small and insignificant in the face of all reality and such is my preference during these years. Resignation and tiredness are part of my day-to-day and only participation in watching it all burn remains. Hopeless anguish. Despite it all I wait for the time to rise again when the voice can be heard from the depth of the forest summoning the brave and crooked; open anew to learning; in eternal love for what remains of nature external and within. Even if only one tiny flower can be saved, it will be worth doing. If only one soul can be awakened, it will be worth the work and hardship. As one wise human said: ‘For as long as there is birdsong, we must listen.’ 

And for now, we scream, we rage and we sob until the sky above is cloudless once again and there’s renewed stillness in the heart.

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When love is too much

 

I said good bye to the land yesterday and this time it is indefinitely. I need to rebuild myself from, what feels like, ground up, as I am completely broken and exhausted from love. Yes, that is possible and I have been here before with another previous love, a human kind. The land has always been like a living breathing entity to me. Our relationship now needs a break and I hear everything it had ever said to me clearly. I cannot go on for the time being. My edges need softening, my rage pacified and my soul needs peace. All love eventually, I believe, leads to pain after an ecstasy of experience.

Rest in knowing I have given you my all without leaving much for myself, but life needs sustaining, nourishing, building and rebuilding if all is to co-exist in balance. It is hard for me to write this, yet I recognise an immense need to release it out of my being, awareness and constant swirling of it all in my mind.

The land is wise. It knows what needs balancing and often we come to realisations through hardship, illness, losses or experiences that are confusing and painful. This time the land spat me out. Like a wild animal that did not want to be domesticated. I dreamt of walking away with ravens and black roses bleeding out of the tips of my fingers and winds howling. Like a horror movie with my heart in my mouth I felt like a curse was in place and it was about to exclude me out of its working finally, for my own benefit. Too much pain and too much love. The two old friends of mine. Intensity had become difficult to bear and I am tired. Misunderstanding, confusion has occurred in this relationship. I have come to understand the reasons behind what had happened and patterns I entangled myself in. I started experiencing loses, threats to my security, family, health, financial losses and my mental stability and peace began to suffer. Confusion, grief, sadness, intensity, apprehension and fear had all been present in me for far too long with my association that rooted in this relationship. It was a warning for my own good and on reflection I am grateful for that ‘rejection’ that really stemmed from mutual love and understanding.

For now I want to be released and something inside me has broken on this last trip, which feels completely necessary. I have also gained awareness of the outside perspective and how others had viewed the situation for many years, which I had been blind to. It is as if I gained a fresh sight and overview of what’s been happening. “Love, indeed, is blind” would be the right description here. I now crave something softer, gentler and kinder like one does coming out of a storm whether in nature or from an internal emotional one. I would like peace of a different kind where loud sharp spiritual messages come as soft whispers instead and where my body feels warm and intact rather than torn to pieces. Sometimes places call us for a reason and my work is nowhere near done, but huge lessons learnt from this deep relationship of unconditional love, destruction, transformation and personal growth. For now I am ‘kicked out’ and I am glad of it, as it is exactly what is needed.

 

 

Integrating vs. releasing

In the last few weeks I am coming to an insight about working with different parts of ourselves and energies that actually do not belong to us, i.e. they are operating from outside, through us, but they are not necessarily a part of our psyche or personality.

Integration work within psychotherapeutic circles and depth psychology is a popular one and it makes sense, as we are all of many parts. We are multi-dimensional and play various roles depending on circumstances, within relationships and what is active within our psyche. We take on archetypal energy too and play that out in our life. Through therapeutic work we can become aware of different parts of ourselves, or sub-personalities, some would call it. We can give these parts names, voices, visual and physical presentation and establish a relationship with them all and observe how they relate to one another. This work can be profound in its insight and potentially transforming our relationship to ourselves and others around us. It can also get us closer to our soul purpose and true essence. With a skilful therapist walking alongside you it can be a very important piece of work.

When ‘evil’ energies strike – protection from a psychic attack

This has come up for me this year like never before and several of my friends experienced it too. As predominant signature of 2016 is purifying and cleansing, it is of no surprise that the rise of potent negative energy will be experienced more, as it rises up in and around us from places quite deep. Another factor of the year is a very fast speed of clearing energies, therefore, we feel overwhelm of the fumes we consider negative and more likely to absorb it and experience it. Often this doesn’t belong to us at all. There is this energetic exchange that is happening between clean and ‘not so clean’ while we work towards achieving a state of balance.

Herbal infusions and essential oils might help in times of particular difficulty of shifting what might feel like a ‘curse’ or something quite ‘evil’ that seem to have attached itself to your being. It can be difficult to shift and might take a few days, even weeks.

I had this experience in September this year and turned to oils, herbs, incense burning, Earth digging and Gods for assistance. Depending on where you are and what you are doing the first thing, of course, is to become aware of something feeling not quite right within and around you. Some symptoms might be when you notice that things don’t go right in several areas of your life regardless of your efforts. You don’t feel well physically, experience a foggy head, up and down moods, negative thinking, a feeling of doom, wanting to escape that feeling, as it is very uncomfortable, loss of appetite or increase in appetite, if you tend to self-soothe with food, interrupted sleep and/or nightmares of particularly dark, unfamiliar nature. You feel heavy, hopeless and scared most of the time.

I committed to burning sage for seven days every day particularly asking masculine energy for help, as it holds the vibration of support, protection and courage – all the qualities needed in such cases. I also created and wore essential oils perfume including Frankincense, Lavender and Sage. I consciously started eating well, drinking more water and practice self-compassion and generally spreading kindness from within outwards (this one particularly helped) towards my family and friends. Beware of projecting out at this stage and hold it in your awareness and see it for what it is, something happening around you, which has nothing to do with others. You happened to be a match for a particular energy to attach itself to you, hence you are the one carrying it, e.g. you might have been under stress, your immune system might have been weakened and generally you might have taken your eye off the ball in many areas and became an opening for invasion, so to speak.

Many people report bathing in salts as a good thing to do. I would agree. What I do sometimes is first thing in the morning I go outside and throw a pinch of magic/sea salt (you might have your own blend, which is even better) across my left shoulder. Some also recommend sprinkling salt outside all entrance points of your dwelling.

Crystals that might add to a good effect of clearing the ‘bad’ energy out are black crystals – tourmaline and hematite.

Rituals outside involving digging the earth is one of my favourites. Find a tree you are drawn to, at its roots dig some dirt up and really feel it with your fingers and hands. Earth neutralises energies and transforms it into other things useful.

All of the above works better when used as preventative measures rather than a cure. It is best to practice awareness around your physical and emotional bodies daily and really tuning into yourself for any imbalances that you notice. It is much harder to ‘treat’ once an attack is already in place.

Many blessings!