Intuitive insights for 2023

Get excited about what’s going to happen without needing to know what it is. 

Be kind in all areas; communication, deeds, connections. 

Get outside every day.

Loss the psychical heaviness and release more energy and agility in whatever way you find is best for you.

Lift weights.

Enjoy good food.

Continue nurturing someone or something (this one is priceless).

Don’t be afraid to grab life.

Do things rather than think about them.

Do not overcomplicate – that is just excuses, fear and resistance.

Do not preach.

We have little influence over the greater plan individually or collectively. We have some agency, but that’s different from influence, which we do not have a lot of.

Therefore, get realistic and let things be.

Blessed new journey! Expect the unexpected.

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Back again

Do you know how you can feel stunted by pure hatred and ignorance. What does ignorance taste like? Bile, of yellow and beige, I think. The same vibe as jealousy. Well, being stunted is not like being in shock, but more like losing all of your senses, but feeing. No matter what you do, you can not stop feeling and you cannot get other senses back.

This happened in 2022. However, as I have discovered over the course of my life, in every tricky situation there is a blessing, a learning and even a transformation. And here I am, having spent the whole year stuck in a place of intense feeling, yet frozen and devoid of imagination and creative sparkle and that freeing sense of flow, I am claiming it all back. What I have felt through the emptiness and the ugliness of the physical and human was the beauty of the spirit. It’s defiance, strength, unwavering loyalty and an unshakable sense of purpose. This year will always stay with me as a year marking my homecoming in the most profound way. There might be and will be, no doubt, more of these periods coming, yet for today, I am here, sitting fully back with myself, writing again with all my senses back together in perfect partnership. 

Life is ugly and stunningly beautiful. It is cruel and violent yet filled with tenderness and grace. It is challenging and complex yet profoundly simple. As one great writer once said ‘do not look closely at life’ meaning the beauty is in simplicity, life itself, day-to-day sparks of joy and just being alive. From tragedy come revelations. A brush with death can release and propel us into living harder. 

Let us all remember to appreciate the journey and trust ourselves to know the right way forward even though quite often it is simply one day at a time, one step at a time, and when one day an expansive landscape opens up in front of us and we know we belong and feel that God within us like it’s our own heart, that’s what we all thrive for. 

Grab that joy with both hands and run with it until our legs are exhausted in satisfaction of being able to feel the earth underneath us and our face hurts from smiling too much and all that light within is a feeling one can never explain only that it tastes sweet and it is pure like heaven on earth.

Free yourself

Feeling insignificant is the best feeling in the world. It is on a par with freedom and there’s nothing more important to me in life than that. Experiencing the higher state of being insignificant is the ultimate state of being hidden, silenced, cloaked in, covered up and small, invisible, minute in the grand theatre of life. It is not the same as having no value. It is the opposite, a realisation that, in fact, you are part of everything, and everything is part of you.

 
I find this feeling in nature. In places open and expansive, where there’s no end to the edge of the earth and sea, and the skies are limitless, infinite, boundless all around.
In such places one is closer to the divine within and without than anywhere else. The sacred solitude that one can participate in such places has a feeling of being completely naked, raw, and exposed, and it feels like the most natural way of being. Primal voice of the land is like the strike of divinity straight into your heart. 

Feeling like a tiny speck in the mass of creation and all that it holds is a state that instantly calms, grounds, and clarifies the meaning of it all. 

Have you ever been on an island where the quietude is so tangible it tastes sweet on your tongue? Th silence is deafening and immensely restorative. It feels like the elixir of all life combined, and you feel a part of it. Belonging to something bigger than yourself is a truly spiritual feeling that in mixed in all senses in just the right unity. Perfection. 

Insignificance is freedom. It is simplicity and joy in knowing exactly who you are and where you fit. It is that place in the heart where everything exists, a place that calms and comforts you into being you, however you definite value for yourself as long as it makes you feel alive. It is not being something or someone. It is not about becoming someone or making something of yourself, it is being you and the perspective of being insignificant releases you and affirms your value like nothing else. 

I find one true perspective in this wherever things feel difficult, uncertain, stagnant, or pointless. I turn within to that place where I exist and remind myself, as I often do with others, that we are worthy of life and creation simply because we are here. We are in life and participating even if it doesn’t feel that way sometimes. We are here and we are enough.

Hidden

Hidden

Unreachable, beyond awareness

Dead to the world

Alive to myself

Linked with the animal and land

And no more

Rejoiced in not found and lost

Until I call for it… if ever

I remain in a way of spirit

Like a ghost to the living

Like a flesh to natural

I am a flower petal as pink as the sky falling beyond the sea

A blade of grass the same colour as ancient hills beyond

I hide in small to become aware of the giant infinity of being

And out there I disappear, as angry feet stamp out all that’s soulful

Away from view yet looking through the brightest biggest window

Hidden away yet fully alive

I don’t want to…

What is the thing that you would say out loud if you were 100% authentic even if just for a moment.

This is the most authentic I have ever been probably and I am saying it out loud and it feels incredibly liberating.

When I was small I was known for saying ‘I don’t want to’ a lot. I resisted, fought, defended whatever my heart held precious and I stubbornly stamped my feet in not wanting either doing or feeling. It applied to many things and now as an adult I understand that state of authenticity and I admire it in my inner little girl even though she lost that fight pretty early on, around five years old. The ‘I don’t want to’ got silenced for life I’d say, but the inner grumble never went away although compliance took over on a scale unimaginable to her but necessary for mere survival.

I never believed or ever will for as long as I live in suppression of emotions of any kind and going against your soul I consider a crime. I have always known that. Life had different ideas, hence a coat of sadness cling to me all my life as a knowing of what’s underneath. Physical beauty only intensified the pain within and the split between inner and outer always felt unbearable. This world always felt too difficult to be in, to handle, to operate and survive. I did. We all did in one way or another. It’s not all bad, of course it’s not, as moments of sheer ecstasy and happiness did come and I can count them on one hand and remember each and every one of them like it was yesterday and always will.

So, last night I wrote this, which brought back the ‘I don’t want to’ back and this time it is near to stay, to speak out loud without shame, worry, care or fear of any kind.

What would you say ‘I don’t want to’ today to help bring yourself back home, to a state where you know yourself as best you can and there are no more cover ups or excuses, only truth, your truth!

Freedom or connection?

Extinction or restoration?

Been in conflict with this since last year and extinction is so wanted. Tired, don’t want to do it, want to be free, not in connection with anyone, don’t want to help or rescue anyone, too hard.

Freedom/death/no more/no faith in humanity/not up to me/don’t want the responsibility

But I am called to do this because apparently someone thinks that I can. Restoration needed

You have got to heal how to be a mother – wow, not that again, don’t want to

I need to be in the right place to activate this, to heal this. No, I don’t. I don’t want to

Ultimately I don’t want to even engage with it let alone dive into it aiming to heal. I feel like I am done and whatever is left will always be and I am ok. Freedom and peace is what I want. I am tired of this world and just want to enjoy whats left for me and my family.

Burn out that’s reached its ultimate peak. All the things that defined me in a forceful way but were never me and what I wanted are now surrendering and giving up. Enough they say, we are not doing it, we are not moving. Stubborn energy and some might relate to it as selfish but to me it is like a defence in the name of my authenticity. It is not avoidance or resistance it is a very firm NO. I really really really don’t want to be there for others when I don’t want or need to be. I want to do nothing. My wants are minimal, very simple and singular. I want to sit in a chair for hours and just look at the trees outside. I want to walk from

Room to room with no particular purpose, I want to write some words and fall into the flow and don’t come out of it till I want to come out of it not when I am expected to break it or interrupted to break it. With a sigh and an inner grumble I do but I don’t want to. I don’t need or want a purpose to define my being here on earth at this time. I don’t need to be somewhere with someone doing something I no longer need to fulfil needs and wants of someone else or an idea that I should. It’s stupid to me and when I have to do it I don’t feel great even though I have to. It doesn’t give me pleasure or joy or anything I’d call fulfilment really because I want none of that and never wanted it really. It all just happened, I fell into many traps and often consciously because that’s what everyone does and blah blah blah. It is boring to me, pointless, flat and dull.

I am also quite tired of discussing it, debating it, going over it like a wound that will never heal and I know it won’t until I stop picking at it and just Forget it is there. It wants to be forgotten too I think. It doesn’t want to be a reminder either. We all want peace and that’s as simple as that. I am not driven to save the world, I am not in a chase after recognition or validation or approval. It gives no value to my life at all. I want don’t need any of that. What I want is just be, observe, be present with my surroundings and write my reflections on what I see, feel and think. I don’t want to make an impact or earn a lot of money or worry about things like school and politics and society in general. Island is my favourite type of land for dwelling where I literally feel cut off and unreachable by anyone or anything. I want to be felt like I am far away or not even existing. I want to be in that sort of hiding and not be interrupted by life as others know it or think it should be. I want little, hardly anything.

Frustration grows in me with this life. I am pushed and pulled and demanded upon and I do love my boys and I am lucky as they understand my need for being, just being with not needing to attach to anything. I do like looking after them but often I don’t want to and that’s ok. We all get it and I am grateful for that.