Intuitive update – April 2022

As we approach the beginning of the ‘enlightenment period’ that starts at the end of this week and the beginning of next, many things will begin to crystalise. This update is one of those that, I know, had to be shared.

Journaling, as an activity, is getting outdated, expired. It has helped many people for many years, yet now the call is to step out of your mind and process things through your experience and the body instead. It is also a call to locate yourself firmly in the present and live each day ‘moment-by-moment’. What we are doing is not simply being in the present, which can feel confusing and intimidating, but homing in and fine-tuning of what really matters to our well-being in an overall sense and it is only by tuning into the experience and the body each day we can begin to hear what is what. My advice in my practice is also changing from processing via the mind towards processing via the body. Examples of it would be massage, sauna, hiking, stretching or simply lying on the ground or floor.

A lot of things have already expired over the last three years and will continue to do over the next year and beyond. Pay attention to what you feel does not do it for you anymore. For me it is quite a lot of things, but one or two are very clear – journaling/keeping a diary is one such activity. It feels like a clean sweep and a respectful packing away of things, perhaps, for later or forever. I believe once we have gone through this crystalising process, some things might come back into action, but in a very different form and it will feel entirely new; or they might remain as part of our experience, meaning done once and for all.

When something is expiring you might find it will be quite clear, but one sign to pay attention to when becoming aware of this dynamic of ‘things extinguishing’ is picking an activity you used to do all the time and enjoyed doing, however, in the last few months it just doesn’t cross your mind at all and when you do catch yourself thinking about it, you have a feeling of ‘forced’ about it. When you try to do it, an enormous amount of energy and emotional ‘overcome’ is required when previously it was effortless. That is one sign that it has expired if not forever, at least for now.

Journaling is a way to put your thoughts on paper, i.e., process all that is going on in your mind and gain clarity and perspective. We all know how helpful this might be, BUT there is a shadow side to journaling, if you like. One is addiction to the process and second is becoming stuck in the process of ‘thinking’, living via processing your thoughts and leaving everything else behind. Writing, in general, can be one of those activities too, as a lot of time is spent in the deep thinking and detaching from the world as we experience it. There is a type of freeze that happens when a writer is in the process. It is not good or bad, it just is and we are being called to step away from this sort of activity whatever forms it might take for you.

What needs to happen now is for us to becoming ‘alive’ in a new way via the whole experience and particularly through the body and senses. We need to experience, act upon things, as they feel to us, rather than ‘think’ about our life or our experiences in general or thinking what should and shouldn’t be or what one thought was right or not. Another way of looking at it is that we do not think about what we did and didn’t do, but begin to ‘bank’ what we did today or yesterday, meaning we own and feel our experiences and, therefore, integrate it into our whole. This could be small things, as well as big ones. It doesn’t really matter as long as they felt good in that moment or there was some learning in the experience. Take it into your body and keep it; do not go over and over it in your mind, continuing to process for days on end.

We need to focus on what is essential to us right now, not what was or wasn’t in the past (remember, it has expired, integrated).  future. This is also important and, I am sure you would have heard of this before, however, this time it is almost paramount to experience and be with yourself in a way we have not done before.

If I continue to be called, like today, to bring these updates forward, I will continue doing it.

Have a good week!

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Lessons from the mountain

Kinder Scout – The Peak District National Park, UK

In May this year I went on a solo road trip leaving home and all that anchors me into the responsibility side of life behind. I decided to experiment, as I had been feeling cooped up and stuck for some time, like so many during the last year.

I find after a time of still-standing not only I need to move physically, I also need to explore and rediscover myself psychologically and spiritually, otherwise I begin to feel weighed down by life. I need a change and a challenge.

The trip turned out to be very insightful, for which I am very grateful, as it fulfilled my desire for diving deeper into understanding some of the things I had been going through internally for many yearly cycles now. It was important for me to see if this time I could attempt to break those cycles again and unleash myself from being stuck in a place that became emptied of a sense of personal freedom and joy.

One of the main things I found out was that I liked being ‘by myself’, but not ‘with myself’. Two different things. It exposed a side to self-exploration that sometimes can become toxic and overbearing. I suspected this might have been the case for many years and consciously moved away from inner work during certain points and when it started to impact on everything negatively. Yes, that can happen. Too much of one thing at the wrong time can have the opposite effect to what one might be wanting to do. It got me thinking in terms of long-term healing and short-term solution/action-based types of personal therapy, as my point of reference. Is a long-term exploration good for us, or is it better undertaken in manageable/digestible chunks? I suspect the later is true, for me anyway.

So, I wanted to define for myself the difference between being ‘by yourself’ and being ‘with yourself’? Those two differ, and here is my definition and understanding of each.

Being ‘by yourself’ means being solitary, in solitude. It is not being lonely, isolated, or abandoned. I really enjoy being by myself; being quiet and alone in a way that nothing and no one can interfere or interrupt my chosen flow and I am in control of what happens in each moment. It is being removed from burdens and responsibilities of day-to-day life. This type of solitude is intentional and conscious. To me it is something I can not be without. It is the ultimate manifestation of my personal freedom, which I value above all.

Being ‘with yourself’ means being aware of your internal processes and for me that is not necessarily good all the time especially when I choose to be by myself. One can be deeply unconscious and one is chosen. When that happens a conflict can arise. Being ‘with yourself’ can involve thoughts going round and round and you are able to hear them, engage with, act upon, or become overwhelmed. It can be feeling more, as there is no external noise or distractions that require your attention. Overall, it means you are more present with yourself and everything that you carry within you. This is something that I find difficult, as my mind becomes very loud and my thoughts can take me places I do not want to go especially when I am being consciously and wanting to be ‘by myself’. My purpose of choosing to be by myself is, in fact, the opposite. I do it to quieten everything to a soft pace or at the very least gain clarity. Having said that this only relates to my ‘head’, my thinking. I would never aim to quieten my feelings and instincts. Those, to me, are the essence of being and mechanisms that keep me in touch with myself in a positive, useful way, not disruptive and overwhelming. Those ‘feeling’ functions of myself are my creativity, my soothing tools and something that makes me flourish be it bringing ideas into being or directing me towards where I need to go. I tell you intuition in the mountains, I called it ‘follow your nose and gut’, is a very useful tool. Something I experimented with, as I use intuition in all areas of my life.

What I realised again is that the way for me not to be with myself in a negative way I need to do something. There is a time and a place for ‘being with myself’, I found, and it really does depend on what I do with my time ‘being by myself’ whether ‘being with myself’ would impact me negatively.

In this case my trip was planned and intentional and hiking is an activity that always works for the benefit of my mind. For that to work I do need a plan, a route, in this case, a goal, a destination, some focus that benefits my physical, mental, and spiritual selves. It has to be something physical, something that will use your body. When I walk, I am aware of just walking, taking in the scenery and being aware of my feet making progress reflected in the distance I have done around me and on the map route. There is something reassuring about putting one foot in front of the other and the metaphor for getting through something really comes alive in this activity. If thoughts come in on a hike, they are easier to discern, i.e. not getting tangled up, they are less threatening or deep somehow. I find they clarify and disperse quicker and answers come more naturally.

I thought many might relate to this hiking/thinking pattern scenario and seeking relief in nature, as well as, looking at healing from your own perspective and what works for you as an individual. These days I am into analysing less and being more. One of the way to bring that into being is for me to write blogs again rather than processing things using my journal, which has become one of those suffocating tools that can really take me places I never intended to go. Something to do with concise nature and being in the present/external rather than internal, which links back again to a long-term/short-term way of healing.

I hope you found this interesting and might relate to some of the things I discuss.

My book Intuitive Magic Practice discusses the subject of intuition in life in general and in a spiritual practice, if you wish to delve further into it.

Lessons from today’s meditation

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Today I had a pleasure of being taught meditation again in a Buddhist Monastery. I love the variety of monks that take sessions. Each one is very individual with unique personalities and I can’t help but smile most of the time I am there. There’s this sweet calmness about the place that is really relaxing. It also feels authentic rather than constructed or forced. It is there naturally. Simplistic and clean environment is so inviting and conducive to a practice of meditation.

Today’s lesson was to be curious, wonder about your mind and allow it to be whatever it wants to be. Another aspect is to recognise it as a part of you, hence being self-loving means not judging your own thoughts but let them be. Everything is impermanent. Thoughts come and go and we don’t need to attach ourselves to any of them. We are observing and being curious about our mind’s nature.

I really understood this today and it opened my eyes to a possibility of actually being able to implement this into my practice and my life on a wider scale. I do think Buddhist meditation is a very intelligent system at regulating our thoughts and emotional responses. I am curious to know more on outside and within. Today was all about getting to know our minds through being inwardly aware.

What I observed was that my mind is often very obliging. One might say it is trying too hard and there’s a lot of energy spent, often unnecessary, on creating thought patterns that are not needed. It also gets confused by its own ‘trying hard’ and runs away with it, so to speak. It felt amazing to be able to obtain that information through meditation.

I also observed that I do well in meditation and succeed in calming my mind when focusing on an object (It was caramel cake today. No idea why) or a word (again it was cake) and repeating it over and over. Image and word today were spontaneous, but I imagine it can also easily be chosen specifically for a meditation. I also realised that I do best with guidance rather than on my own, i.e. guiding meditations help me.

I am yet to master the right posture and position when meditating. I am too uncomfortable but when I am not focusing on my legs or engage with thinning about how uncomfortable it feels I am able to sit still and be calm. That is a good demonstration of how it IS possible not to get attached to a thought that a mind is trying to focus on and as a result to remain calm.

I also noticed quite clearly how my mind naturally wants to grab onto negative thoughts rather than positive. That was great to realise and I feel I might sort of understand a way of changing that too going forward with a lot more practice. It does explain my nature very well and wanting to attach to something positive naturally is going to take some time. Once I try that the aim is not to attach to any forms of thought and simply remain in curious observation.

I am thrilled to be able to continue with my learning in such a beautiful and peaceful place.