Back again

Do you know how you can feel stunted by pure hatred and ignorance. What does ignorance taste like? Bile, of yellow and beige, I think. The same vibe as jealousy. Well, being stunted is not like being in shock, but more like losing all of your senses, but feeing. No matter what you do, you can not stop feeling and you cannot get other senses back.

This happened in 2022. However, as I have discovered over the course of my life, in every tricky situation there is a blessing, a learning and even a transformation. And here I am, having spent the whole year stuck in a place of intense feeling, yet frozen and devoid of imagination and creative sparkle and that freeing sense of flow, I am claiming it all back. What I have felt through the emptiness and the ugliness of the physical and human was the beauty of the spirit. It’s defiance, strength, unwavering loyalty and an unshakable sense of purpose. This year will always stay with me as a year marking my homecoming in the most profound way. There might be and will be, no doubt, more of these periods coming, yet for today, I am here, sitting fully back with myself, writing again with all my senses back together in perfect partnership. 

Life is ugly and stunningly beautiful. It is cruel and violent yet filled with tenderness and grace. It is challenging and complex yet profoundly simple. As one great writer once said ‘do not look closely at life’ meaning the beauty is in simplicity, life itself, day-to-day sparks of joy and just being alive. From tragedy come revelations. A brush with death can release and propel us into living harder. 

Let us all remember to appreciate the journey and trust ourselves to know the right way forward even though quite often it is simply one day at a time, one step at a time, and when one day an expansive landscape opens up in front of us and we know we belong and feel that God within us like it’s our own heart, that’s what we all thrive for. 

Grab that joy with both hands and run with it until our legs are exhausted in satisfaction of being able to feel the earth underneath us and our face hurts from smiling too much and all that light within is a feeling one can never explain only that it tastes sweet and it is pure like heaven on earth.

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Free yourself

Feeling insignificant is the best feeling in the world. It is on a par with freedom and there’s nothing more important to me in life than that. Experiencing the higher state of being insignificant is the ultimate state of being hidden, silenced, cloaked in, covered up and small, invisible, minute in the grand theatre of life. It is not the same as having no value. It is the opposite, a realisation that, in fact, you are part of everything, and everything is part of you.

 
I find this feeling in nature. In places open and expansive, where there’s no end to the edge of the earth and sea, and the skies are limitless, infinite, boundless all around.
In such places one is closer to the divine within and without than anywhere else. The sacred solitude that one can participate in such places has a feeling of being completely naked, raw, and exposed, and it feels like the most natural way of being. Primal voice of the land is like the strike of divinity straight into your heart. 

Feeling like a tiny speck in the mass of creation and all that it holds is a state that instantly calms, grounds, and clarifies the meaning of it all. 

Have you ever been on an island where the quietude is so tangible it tastes sweet on your tongue? Th silence is deafening and immensely restorative. It feels like the elixir of all life combined, and you feel a part of it. Belonging to something bigger than yourself is a truly spiritual feeling that in mixed in all senses in just the right unity. Perfection. 

Insignificance is freedom. It is simplicity and joy in knowing exactly who you are and where you fit. It is that place in the heart where everything exists, a place that calms and comforts you into being you, however you definite value for yourself as long as it makes you feel alive. It is not being something or someone. It is not about becoming someone or making something of yourself, it is being you and the perspective of being insignificant releases you and affirms your value like nothing else. 

I find one true perspective in this wherever things feel difficult, uncertain, stagnant, or pointless. I turn within to that place where I exist and remind myself, as I often do with others, that we are worthy of life and creation simply because we are here. We are in life and participating even if it doesn’t feel that way sometimes. We are here and we are enough.