Category: the underworld
The Crone and I at Samhain
I heard her say ‘Get on a horse’ and without hesitation I got into my car and drove to the woods that called me. She was all around and Samhain felt near. I felt calm and ready to commune with her.
The woods kept changing atmosphere from grey and wet to light and shimmering. Autumnal light streamed through the golden tops of blackened tree bodies. I felt a sense of intention and joy within. She was near and I was reassured. I realised her confidence-building purpose and quality as I developed my own inner hearing. She is and always has been on the side of the feminine and healing of the wounded maiden was just one intention she carried. Today I truly felt that having been through the maiden and mother stages.
Cronehood is a stage I truly look forward to and even more so with her by my side. I am excited and curious about things to come. Today she was full of lessons and the more I engaged with her the more I felt I could truly understand the symbology and meaning behind her one-sentenced phrases. She doesn’t say much and very intentional with what she discloses.
She spoke of the importance of our bodies, physicality and how our disconnection from the animal-selves caused discord and imbalance in many areas as a result. She spoke of nature and landscape as essential parts to any life as they hold the animal-self within offering us to connect back to the earth, the self and spirit of things. Only through deeply feeling into the physical and matter-like within us we can encounter the spirit. It is all interconnected.
She spoke of how we disempower ourselves via covering up by dying our hair, messing about with nails and shaving off what’s intended to be there. And not only that we create a world of shame, unacceptable, conforming and pleasing to the external as a result. We cut off from the natural self by avoiding our own beauty, the natural kind. Our crown becomes dimmed with chemicals and that magic that can be felt in the fingers is dimmed. I can relate to the fingers holding the paper well and am guilty of not looking after myself in that area. I connected instantly to the message of disempowering myself by not being kind and nurturing to myself. It saddened me.
With the crone hood stage we are invited to delve into another stage of coming back to ourselves. I feel excited by it.
Last year she spoke her word to me, which I turned into a book. It comes out in December and I look forward to sharing the message with more women around the world.
Latest review:
“You have given the world a delightful and deep examination of Baba Yaga from your insightful and learned perspective. Thank you.
In a world where uncertainty and fear are the currency of the day, we can become enchanted by a sort of artificial lightness that ultimately only makes us more anxious. We become terrified of the dark. Yet it is in the dimness of our own souls that we find refuge from the harshness of life.
If we are able to peer into this darkness we may see a peculiar little house governed by a curious figure. Baba Yaga, crone of legend, greets us with a glint in her eye, and a question on her lips. “Who are you?” she inquires with a cackle. Natalia Clarke answers this question, while exploring the stories and characteristics of Baba Yaga through traditional lore and personal insights. Merging together her Slavic origins, training in depth psychology, and natural spiritual practices, she is our companion as we venture into the mysteries of this face of the crone. Beautifully written with journal entries, dream explorations, and ways to connect with Baba Yaga, I highly recommend this delightful book for anyone who wants to go deeper into her mysteries.”
By Cyndi Brannen, the author of Keeping Her Keys
Shadows at dawn
The pull of a new calendar year is strong, as if something in me can’t wait for a clean sheet of paper to start writing another story. It yarns for the taste of spring, for fresh changes. This is very much in the collective at this time of year and I do have some resistance to being caught up in the collective yearly pattern, as I know there isn’t a need to be in that place, yet here I am. Have you noticed how pictures of bluebells begin to pop up here and there around this time? People post them everywhere. It pulls us out of here and now in an instant and we begin to wonder.
Anger is often present for me during this month, which is one of those months I wait to be done with. The cycle of holidays every year and all that comes with it brings a lot of ‘don’t want to be part of it’ feelings. It is quite uncomfortable with a bitter taste that needs to digest and integrate before a new something is seen and experienced. I guess what I refer to is some shadow elements of the psyche is brewing on the surface of my unconscious and, yes, I do recognise it. It needs expression, but also containment. It is angry, expressive, violence-like, impulsive. It needs attention and love, but it doesn’t mean it is a nice picture to look at. It is often not and it can be loud especially in dreams when I know how to parcify it during waking hours.
Very similar in nature if you notice in certain places, like the one I just came from, e.g. everything was grey and not just in a way of rainy skies, but the whole atmosphere was covered with colour grey, dull and feeling like it’s not enjoying it. I describe this energetically, but visually it looks like a wet, old rag, for example, that can do with a bit of whiteness injected or a dirty water that’s stagnated. It needs renewing, refreshing.
If I was to describe it as a feeling in the body that would be stress, exhaustion, sleep deprivation, ‘bags under eyes’ type of presentation. It is a sort of wanting to rest yet being restless as monsters are moving within in the dark, under the ground.
I know the ‘beast’ very well although I haven’t seen it or heard for sometime. With me the triggers are stress and being stretched or asked to do things I don’t want to do. These have been running for years. During this time I also pick it up from others easily and that overwhelms me a great deal. December is like the remains of something, like the last residue of some unpleasant drink or wet ashes post fire.
This year has all been about doing things differently and the above patterns have also run their course. Enough is enough I’d say. There’s got to be another way of expressing shadow material so that it doesn’t just have its needs’s met and go back into a state of being parcified, but it has a chance to transform into or balance with the opposing force. Something is needed immediately as these things arise. More transforming and less keeping in awareness I’d say. I will give it a go next.
Happy 2019! Let it offer more explorations and awareness. Further success and achievements, more joy and satisfaction.
Samhain walk
Wedding to the Land
As I came up to the sixth gate of the underworld I had a sudden and unexpected, yet very clear, pull to take my wedding ring off. This was not planned. I took it off without hesitation and gave it away to the guard. I remember struggling to take it off, as my hand wouldn’t give. I had to be hard with it, as the purpose was way stronger than anything I wore on my body.
As I continued to the last gate preparing to un-robe I felt liberated, pure, uncluttered and in total surrender to death, to nothingness, to complete darkness where nothing and no one existed. I felt no fear, I knew I was meant to be there, I knew my purpose. It was to sacrifice my glowing heart to the Dark Goddess, so she could be touched to the depth of her soul. As she ripped my heart out of my chest and I crashed to the floor, she wept over the heart. I laid on the stone cold floor with my wolf Lizeal against my bare body. Silence, darkness, nothingness.
I spent all my dreaming night walking in my white robe through lands, using various means of transport to get somewhere. My husband, as my companion or rather a witness, remained silent and patient throughout. I dug my hands into the cool sand and wailed bowing to the ground as if saying good bye to myself. I was moaning the loss of the old, which is a stage not worth by-passing, it is all part of the initiation into new. Acknowledging your sorrow and vulnerability is part of the process and one must go with its mournful flow.
The next day, as I came back to life and was walking up to the world, at the sixth gate I picked up the ring, but it did not go back on my finger. I followed my intuition closely and the air was filled with strong intention. There was no choice in this, I was not in control, things were going to unfold and I was to go with it trusting and knowing of the higher purpose of this. I continued my journey up the stairs and back to the world and at the last gate where on my descent I surrendered my connection with the Land, I was again reunited with it and I wept with joy. Our connection was reaffirmed and solidified in marriage of souls and spirit. The ring I gave up on the way down went on my wedding finger and it felt just right. Light and pure and purposeful. The happiness that spread through me was immense and with tears of joy I bowed to the Earth that was to be my purpose, my soul, my spiritual partner for life.
I emerged from the underworld yesterday married to the land, to my life purpose, to my soul.
“I belong to the Land
I belong to the Earth
to the Moon and the stars
to lakes and mountains and mossy hills.
Let the Sun rise over the new dawn of wisdom and power
Let my voice be heard and my feet gently touch the ground
All come together as one whole
As Above, so is Below”
Raw Nature Spirit 
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