Category: winter magic
Foreboding – The future of wild places
I had a dream last night and it went like this.
I opened my eyes and met hers. She was looking at me with piercing blue like a frost-covered morning on a bright day. I smiled. She turned her face away, as if not wanting to be there.
I was aware of the best sleep I had in ages and also knew that I travelled a long distance to be here in this place, with her.
A white linen dress clang to her slender body and she moved as lightly as a ghost would sliding from one room to another. I followed her and came into a room full of people and noise. They seemed to have been preparing for some kind of expedition. She asked me to join them, which took me by surprise and I felt a sharp sensation deep within that screamed, “Why would I go anywhere else when there is all this, here, with her?” I looked out of the window. We were in some kind of cabin, which was spacious with many rooms and I felt the warmth of the fire coming from next door. “Where is everyone going?” I said to her, as she approached me by the window. “Paris,” she said lowering her head to the ground again. She was hiding something. She didn’t look displeased dealing with the visitors to what I knew was her house, but she felt detached, not all present. “No Paris, I said. Not for me”. Groups of people crowded outside waiting for transport. They seemed impatient to get out of the place, but why would they come in the first place, I wondered. She looked over in their direction with some relief, I thought. Her body displayed anxiety and I saw an emerging smile at the prospect of them leaving.
I began to cry sitting by the window looking outside on to a wintery wilderness. A frozen lake, deep, luscious snow and tree tops in crowns of white. My heart was exploding recognising the wild within. She looked bewildered at me as if not letting herself remember or believing my feelings.
“Why all these people? What happened to your homestead? I remember it being just you here.”
She looked at me with the saddest eyes, but averted it quickly not wanting to show emotion.
“We are showing people the last wilderness.”
I knew she didn’t want to, she was forced into it. I grabbed her hand trying to show her I understood and asked if we could go outside. She didn’t move away from me and said, “Later.”
When crowds dispersed I was glad of some silence and empty places I could go and check. The rooms in the house were furnished with simple furniture, but very old. Figurines and wooden carved animals were on shelves and by bedsides. Everything was basic. I remember hearing complaints earlier from the crowd of girls, “How are we supposed to cope with these facilities. There isn’t even a toilet and we have to sleep on the floor. Did you see what we had to eat?” Dissatisfied voices echoed in me and I realised that this is the future of the wilderness tourism; people coming to see the most remote, wild places, yet wanting to be away from it from the moment they arrived. The sadness in my hostess filled me up and I went to look for her. She was already outside clearing some snow and I could see the black earth underneath. I bent down and scooped some icy blackness bringing it to my nose to smell. She smiled slightly at me and carried on in her own now lost world, in a place no longer hers.
Don’t you love the return of the light or do you prefer the warmth of the dark, comfy burrow that sustained you and your spark during winter? I love winter and its creative fire that it always brings with it. My energy is high, my intuition is sharp and my productivity flows seamlessly, as if it is meant to be that way. I have always loved the feeling of being contained, warm and nourished by the darkness and embraced its gifts.
I am opening up to light in the last week or so, curious about what it might bring. New beginnings on the horizon again, new growth, new stretching into actions, planting seeds. I also love early spring, its gentle and tentative appearance in a form of small yet vibrant flowers beginning to peep through the soil. I welcome those signs fully. There is something very delicate and innocent about early spring, as it is time of the Maiden. By the end of March she will be in full force with her presence upon the land and life will begin to burst fully in being.
What a fantastically rich winter it has been for me. From November until now I have not stopped in terms of being creative and productive. This period of time has gone very fast for me and I am excited beyond belief at achievements, collaborations and creative projects that have materialised. Beautiful period of time that also felt completely new and different, like life took up a gear and the direction I was going was exciting and way more challenging than before, but so rewarding. My belief in things aligning, divine timing and trusting my own intuitive knowing has strengthened hugely in the last three months, as things that had occurred could not have been made up or prepared for. It flowed just like it was meant to be. I have learnt to trust that flow and also enjoy it fully, to the last ounce. Offerings that feel the most nourishing to the soul, when they come, transform everything around and propel one into doing things seemingly impossible, yet there is this confidence, inner knowing and complete faith in doing something that will bring a warm and nourishing feeling.
Writing is such an activity for me that makes me feel like nothing else does. It is rich, delicious, warm, satisfying, all consuming. It is that one thing that when I I do it I don’t think of anything or anyone else. Time and space disappears. I have been learning so much.
My devotional to the land in a poetry chapbook came out last week SOUL LAND and it felt very containing, summarising somewhat, having put it all together it is a cosy feeling of achievement and most importantly self-expression that meant the world to me. I hope more people enjoy my spiritual/transpersonal love letter to the land and resonate with its contents. If you love Scotland, feel deeply connected to the land (any land), see nature as an integral part of our soul and enjoy raw and emotional words, the chapbook is for you.
Here I am, this morning sitting in my writing office, thinking of the next project and letting my intuition guide me. I have two new ideas in the pipeline, which I made a start on, but there is no rush, particularly during the next couple of weeks when we are called to be with ourselves before we are called into action again towards the Equinox.
If anybody interested in hearing about my experience on self-publishing vs traditional publishing, let me know in the comments. This year I am trying both ways and so far, I am more of a traditional publishing person (currently under contract with Moon Books) for sure. Self-publishing is a complex, expensive and not an easy option, but it is very individual. See what works for you. I will post some more updates on both types of publishing.
Enjoy the New Moon and let things come up to the surface gently. Observe the dreams, as we come out of the dark moon lighting into illumination of all things in a week or so.
Much love and many blessings!
Raw Nature Spirit
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Image: Scotland in winter
Winter and self-containment
The lesson, new and fresh and perfectly framed, that I have experienced lately was of a thing called self-containment. It is visual for me, as well as, sensory in the body. I tap more into it when I dance, for example. Self-containment is a space where nothing and no one can access you or affect you to describe it in simple terms, but, of course, it is more than that. It feels wonderful. It is one of those states that bring peace, pleasure, calm and divinity into it. I have known this before in a different way with other things, but this is a new one. Perhaps it is not new but simply another one that has a clear frame, structure, name and vibration. It is soul-centred, but in a very human way and I suspect when in this embodiment of self-containment others around you will get affected and not just that, but they will be able to join in with it in their own way and much easier that through anything else. There is, therefore, huge potential in it for yourself and others around you. I am in love with the feeling of it. It has an orangey/pinkie colour to me like a ball or an egg that has edges, but they are allowing, flexing, moving yet protective. I find that this coming out in winter is very on point and relevant, as what does it mean for us to have a space of our own, a ‘womb-like’ state of ecstasy where we are away from it all yet connected. If we picture winter as our psychic underground space, dark and contained, this comes up in line with that only keeping our connection to our ‘new, birth-like, spring-like’ state alive. It has light in it, sunshine and warmth, but the wisdom of the darkness. We are essentially untouchable once we discover us, as unique us, no one else is like that, nothing else is like that in existence. You are YOU and only YOU. It is original, utterly beautiful and powerful in terms of being a gift towards life. Being able to incorporate this state into our lives, although, I suspect, it does not come up always or willingly, but trust that it will when you need it, can change things. It can slow things down, offer reflection and focus. We could ask for it whenever we feel pushed and pulled and overwhelmed, when things are demanded of us without a thought for whether we are ready to offer. It is that ‘stop’, wrap yourself up in YOU, bring yourself back to the centre, stay there for a bit and decide if you want to come out or not when you decide or not. It is a protective something, a covering, a vessel, a container that we can invoke and settle into it while we figure things out.
Winter is a rich gift. I will not tire of saying it over and over. Things must be dark and quiet and still in order for what needs to be clear and in view to be seen properly, in its naked form, in its broken form, in its expansive form. Like a voice in an expansive space of mountain or a valley, it needs expression, but for that to happen we need ‘the death’ of bubbling life internal and external, we need to see, hear and feel without being overwhelmed.
In the last two months I have found my new ‘spiritual’, ‘other than’ space through writing. I have loved every second of my passion and particularly how it feels when engaged in it. It feels otherworldly and like nothing else. For that I am immensely grateful and feel joyful knowing I can step into that ‘dimension’, yes, it feels like another sphere all together, when I want to. It is not, of course, as simple as just sitting down and write, but I love that complexity, a challenge, which stretches me intellectually, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
As Yule is approaching I can feel my energy shifting into 2020 goal setting, or a visual and sensory plan I like to envisage. I usually go about this by tuning into my energy and how I feel, which is around, rather than purely looking at physical needs and demands of the outside world, so to speak. What I am discovering is that I feel I would like to step more into my Fire energy. Again, this is not unusual for me with the season of winter, but I think I have forgotten how much I missed it having spent a lot of 2019 in a place that explored more soft, sensitive, quiet ‘me’. You see with writing both are required and I love that. In terms of going forward I would like to step into the Fire of my own inner qualities and run joyfully with that. In the last few days I have had a pep talk with myself, got angry with myself (in a good way) and said ‘enough is enough’ in relation to many things in my life. It felt like an existential shift where I have come to more acceptance of belonging to this earthly world, whether I want to or not, and that I don’t always have choices and neither I should have. There is less discussion, introspection and analysis needed for me at this time and more being present in the physical that I need to manifest. Winter is the perfect time for me to do that, as every year my energy escalates, my mind clears and I become very productive and active. I love it.
In terms of my spiritual practice I would like to implement the elements I am referring to above, e.g. creating more of a routine, consistency and commitment to things I need to be doing. Arriving at what that might be will, of course, be done intuitively, as it is my most natural way of discerning things. The rest will be done in a clean, precise, organised manner. At least I would like to try. Many things have sort of disappeared into the background in terms of practice and I would like raise my awareness more and bring things back into practice, but with a new vigour, in a new way.
My plans are a lot about writing in 2020. That includes literary fiction and poetry and non-fiction on subjects related to earth-based spirituality. I feel excited to have a few projects in the pipe-line. My poetry book ‘Soul Land’ is coming out next year and I am extremely touched and passionate about that collection and in awe of how it came about all together. It was meant to be, the only way I can describe it.
My first step on the way to reawakening traditions will be searching for my Yule log and decorating it for the 21st December celebrations. I love Yule and I love darkness, which always feels super nourishing and comforting to my soul and my body adores cold temperatures. I hope you all have a wonderful time celebrating Nature and all her beautiful gifts.
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