Before she was…


The draw to the hut was strong. My body ached with the need and desire to go there. 

‘I will come and stay for a month,’ I turned to him and said running my hand across a wooden log, the cabin was made from. I was there, but I was not, not fully, not like I needed or wanted to. 

‘I will stay with you. We can go fishing and berry picking.’ He wiped mosquito off his cheek. The stickiness of the summer evening on my skin felt strange and it smelt strongly of jasmine. That place was ripe with everything nature, just like in my childhood. I wanted to drink it in. 

In the cabin there were people. They looked happy going about their business. I remember being overcome by jealousy for their fortune of being able to stay there. It was like I was there, but I was not. From my dream I observed it all. I was just a visitor in that place, but in my blood, I knew it as my home from long ago. The ache of wanting to live there rose again. 

There were several rooms: a hall, a big lounge, and an attic. Each room had its purpose. A child joined me and began following me everywhere. It was a small boy but had a girl’s name and looks very pretty. I sat on a sofa and a young woman came and covered me with a blanket. A young man, who showed me around appeared to be in charge. The place felt pure, kind, yet it held secrets, codes, treasures to be discovered. I became very curious. 

‘Where can I find her,’ I asked him. 

He turned away fiddling with a piece of wood in his hand. 

‘I should not really tell you. May be just leave it. It has been a long time and you do not know what it will lead to.’ He looked at me with understanding and warmth. 

‘I do know what you are saying. I do. I just wondered if she was around.’

And then he said, ‘She is around, all around. She is right next door.’

‘Left, or right?’ I asked. 

He looked right but meant left. Somehow, I understood that. 

Once outside everything was lush green with rowans lining up the road on both sides. Late summer. Berries were beginning to redden. I took it all in. It smelt like rich soil and home. I was home. And then darkness. I plunged into it suddenly and it felt comforting. The thing about darkness, you might not be able to see anyone, but no one can see you either. I always found that comforting to know. I took my shoes off and walked out of the gate and looked where her house was. It was large and beautiful. Luxurious with big windows. I felt scared. Night summer air intoxicatingly alluring. I took another deep breath. 

‘I could not possible go in that house,’ I thought. So imposing and grand, not what I expected, and it was right there, next to the house I stayed in. 

Next, I walked back through the gate and stood on a bench lined up against the gate to peek into the windows next door. I knew I should not be doing it but could not help it. Curiosity took over. And then I saw cats, lots of back cats. They were the size of dogs. They roamed the boarder scowling. They began moving towards me as soon as they spotted me. I froze in terror. They snarled at me, and one sank her teeth into my leg. I felt sharp pain. They withdrew.

I ran into the house, but someone followed me in. I turned around and there she was. Young and beautiful, simply dressed. Her hair colour I recognised, as my own, when I was a child. Decorative small earrings, nothing out of the ordinary apart from her face. Intensely kind, shining from within she was. I felt her goodness, but also darkness all at the same time. She was both life and death. She took my hand in hers, which felt clammy and cool, but not unpleasant. I froze, fascinated, honoured, and humbled all at the same time. Then she told me her name… It was her, before she was her.

It was one of those significant dreams, which I have not had for some time. I am grateful to receive one last night. Dreams are products of our psyche. They are from us, about us and for us. Over my lifetime I learnt to recognise various categories of dreams. This one belongs to a ‘telling’ dream that contained several messages for me and reflected aspects of my own consciousness that should help me moving forward. It was fairy tale like with vivid landscapes, vibrant colours, and strong smells. I touched objects and people with intent and purpose that remains with me now on waking. I love sensory dreams like this one and it just had to be recorded. She was there, the young version of her, before she became her… 

Happy Yule, everyone!

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Authenticity dream

Every year’s signature contains an authenticity message at the heart of it. I believe it is the future and has always been something true evolution is made of. The energy of it will only increase with each year and that is the beauty in welcoming a new year where such opportunity exists.

The dream is about authenticity, true beauty, light and dark.

“I was given some stunning liquid of silver and gold that was meant to be put on a face like make-up. It felt luxurious on the skin and looked beautiful. I put it on all over my face and walked into a room with a long table where there were people sitting either side.

One side of the table loved it and admired my beauty. The other side didn’t like it and preferred me without it.

There was a dilemma for myself. What did I like? What did I want to do? ‘The mask’ continued to feel wonderful on my face and looked truly stunning. It gave me a certain advantage and edge, one might say.

In the next scene I am heading towards showers to wash my hair and there is a man, who says ‘if I wash my face off I will no longer be the most beautiful woman in the whole world and will become the second in line after some other woman that will jump to the front. The man smirked and had an expression of warning about it as if to say ‘really think about what you want to do, think twice…’.

There was another man in the room, who had light hair and appeared very quiet, calm with a soft face, the opposite to the first man. Looking at him I knew instantly he didn’t care for my ‘mask’ much or the way I looked at all. He saw through me, deeper.

I decided to get rid of my face make-up and leave my hair unwashed and instantly felt lighter and more grounded.

I took a hand of the blonde man and we walked outside to the light. He appeared to have something lodged in the inner corner of his left eye. A thin stick, a string of some sort. I said to him that I will attempt to pull it out, but it might hurt. This felt like something to do with the way he was seeing things and, perhaps, the object lodged obscured his true vision. I starts pulling the string out, it was very long. The man didn’t flinch or changed in any way, he just smiled gently at me.

We embraced and fell on the ground when I realised I had a pure white coat on and was lying in mud. For a second I was concerned but quickly relaxed and no longer cared in his arms whether my coat would get ruined. His support and acceptance was all I needed.”

One of the best dreams I have ever had

Dreams speak in symbols

I had a dream, which spoke of the masculine energy. It was full of symbols, spiritual foresight, alchemy, the state of inner world and Runes language.

HOUSE

Dreaming of a house or dwelling shows up a state of our inner world at any given moment. I often dream of houses and depending on where I am in life it changes, from a derelict ruin to magnificent palaces filled with space and gold, from towers to small cottages, from small buildings to multi-stored blocks of flats.

Last night it was a perfectly formed, compact flat in an ancient building full of history and spirits. Something like this

I remember touching its exposed old walls and feeling a sense of awe and joy of living in such a sacred place. I felt a sense of legend, wise men and education surrounding me. I had to climb to the dwelling through dark and narrow corridors till I reached the flat I was to call my home and when I made it inside and came up to a an open window I saw the world right in front of me. I could see for miles and horizon spread in front of me filled with beautiful golden light. It felt magnificent and my heart sand with gratitude and peace.

SYMBOLS/RUNES

There was a man in my dream, who wanted me to draw a symbol in the air with my hand. He was giving me instructions on how to do it and I managed to produce one after several attempts. It was this

Meaning: Meaning: movement, work, growth.

URUZ (reference: sunnyway.com)

Uruz: (U: Auroch, a wild ox.) Physical strength and speed, untamed potential. A time of great energy and health. Freedom, energy, action, courage, strength, tenacity, understanding, wisdom. Sudden or unexpected changes (usually for the better). Sexual desire, masculine potency. The shaping of power and pattern, formulation of the self.

This, to me, speaks of the presence of masculine energy within me and how aligned it is with the current season before the Oak king is born again into light on the 21st December. This energy is familiar to me and one of great achievements and productivity. Winter is a highly creative time for me when I do most of my writing and I feel very energetic working on various projects and collecting ideas for manifesting. I often light a Red candle during this time to aid me in my Fire element of productivity, strength and determination.

MASCULINE

It is the time for me when my inner world forms into whole, masculine and feminine together and shows me how masculine energy is often misunderstood and misinterpreted. There are stereotypes of what a man or a woman should be, what qualities they should portray and which they should hide. My dreams often show me how to break through those stereotypes and look within for what it means for me and what is of value to me at the time. The man in my dream was not perfect, was not strong or ‘together’, if anything he was a bit lost, unsuccessful yet holding his head high and opening his big heart. His voice gentle, not booming and strong, full of offering support and encouraging me to make my own choices. It keeps the door open for me, invites me to step into my own masculine power whatever that might mean for me. I have to spend some time after such dreams in quiet contemplation to make sure I really hear him with no judgement.

Approaching sacred time of Winter Solstice when we welcome light into the world once again, look within for your own light and what it means to you. How can you manifest what stirs within your soul in your daily activities and relationships? Is it family, is it creative projects or finding a new way to be, is it consolidating all your resources and feeling yourself as a whole being ready to step on a path of spiritual and Earthly wisdom.

Remember, in dreams what matters very much is how they make your feel. Your emotions and after-dream states are pointers towards what is to be learnt and what to pay attention to.

Blessings!

header image: http://typotic.com/i/dream-world-for-love/