Do you know how you can feel stunted by pure hatred and ignorance. What does ignorance taste like? Bile, of yellow and beige, I think. The same vibe as jealousy. Well, being stunted is not like being in shock, but more like losing all of your senses, but feeing. No matter what you do, you can not stop feeling and you cannot get other senses back.
This happened in 2022. However, as I have discovered over the course of my life, in every tricky situation there is a blessing, a learning and even a transformation. And here I am, having spent the whole year stuck in a place of intense feeling, yet frozen and devoid of imagination and creative sparkle and that freeing sense of flow, I am claiming it all back. What I have felt through the emptiness and the ugliness of the physical and human was the beauty of the spirit. It’s defiance, strength, unwavering loyalty and an unshakable sense of purpose. This year will always stay with me as a year marking my homecoming in the most profound way. There might be and will be, no doubt, more of these periods coming, yet for today, I am here, sitting fully back with myself, writing again with all my senses back together in perfect partnership.
Life is ugly and stunningly beautiful. It is cruel and violent yet filled with tenderness and grace. It is challenging and complex yet profoundly simple. As one great writer once said ‘do not look closely at life’ meaning the beauty is in simplicity, life itself, day-to-day sparks of joy and just being alive. From tragedy come revelations. A brush with death can release and propel us into living harder.
Let us all remember to appreciate the journey and trust ourselves to know the right way forward even though quite often it is simply one day at a time, one step at a time, and when one day an expansive landscape opens up in front of us and we know we belong and feel that God within us like it’s our own heart, that’s what we all thrive for.
Grab that joy with both hands and run with it until our legs are exhausted in satisfaction of being able to feel the earth underneath us and our face hurts from smiling too much and all that light within is a feeling one can never explain only that it tastes sweet and it is pure like heaven on earth.
When engaging with the intuitive function there are ways that it might come in. I am often asked about how to learn to listen to it or how do we know that intuition is being activated. It is neither learning nor knowing it just is. It is like not knowing what colour your own eyes are. It is that innate. It is simpler than what we perceive as something to learn or know about. It is always there and the main way is through feeling.
Feeling is difficult for many through various life impacts, conditions we grew up in and messages we received regarding feelings and emotional expression in general. Doing vs being is a debate that is endless in this world and often stems from the habitual patterns of behaviour the majority developed over their life time. It is so strong, in fact, many can not name a feeling they are experiencing. So ‘what to do about intuition’ then becomes an automatic block.
For most of us, however, it is a natural thing. It just got put aside and literary forgotten as another way of navigating life. The journey of rediscovering it is exciting and I dare say when it ignites you will know. One has to be open to doing thing differently, and as many would testify this happens when old ways no longer work. When thinking is a good thing it only offers half of what we are capable of. Without adding feeling into our experience it is like functioning with a head alone, but being disconnected from the body entirely.
Having gone through the process for many years of rediscovering or rather going back to my natural way of being, which is via feeling, it feels like coming home finally. Since I was very small, for as long as I remember, I almost, one might say, fought for the right to be able to feel fully and the whole range. I was never allowed and I rebelled and rebelled until eventually in order to survive I had no choice but give it up. I am not alone in that sadly. Since then I vowed to myself that one day I will feel again whatever I want whenever I want and become me again, as feeling and intuitive way of being (linked) are the most natural me I had ever known.
To conclude I will give one example of how lately I discovered an even more nuanced way my intuition speaks. It is either a YES, a NO or a MAYBE.
When it is a YES it is very clear and I never question it. Feelings that accompany that knowing are peacefulness, certainty, calmness in my body and satisfaction. When it is a NO it is also clear, but feelings that come with it are ‘phew, thank God’, I.e. a relief, a lucky escape type of scenario, gratitude, humble awareness of things bigger than myself that guide me, joy, release and calm.
The MAY BE took me a few tries to understand and when it is a May be, it is more a NO than a YES, always. I have gone down the path of a yes when it was always a no at the end, so you might say I have tested it and sometimes paid the price. So when it is ‘not sure’, it is a NO for me.
I hope you find this interesting as I certainly do. These are fine-tuned relational threads with my own intuition but before then it is a long road back to YOU and most importantly to your feeling self.
I talk about how the journey might unfold and offer ways of connecting in my BOOK, which proved to have reawakened more in readers than just a magical practice based on what you want and how you feel in any given moment. Check it out for yourself and hope you extract something that sparks you in wanting to engage with a natural state that is our intuition.
Intuition is sometimes loud like banging on the door, if you can imagine that. And other times it is quiet or rather subtle like a flash of an emotion or a sense of something fleeting. It can be both forceful or subtle, called upon or coming forward by itself. Sensory, auditory or visual. Here I invite you to reflect on how intuition might exist within you and how it transmits its messages? It is important to know and, as you become curious about your intuitive signals, you become curious about yourself. That is a gift and the first step towards reclaiming your right to live a life meant for you. The journey is fascinating that will let you discover a lot about your own nature.
I hardly ever ask for messages, ask questions or call upon my intuition. Many others do ask for it and that is just another way of doing the same thing. One of the most popular is to ask for an answer to a question before you go to sleep at night. Intuition and dreams are closely connected, which I discuss in my BOOK.
I, however, have now developed a deep trust that when something matters my intuition will speak to me and show me the way. It usually speaks in single words or an image would find its way to my awareness. It is usually clear, sharp and precise. So I am sensory, auditory or visual – feeling, hearing and seeing.
In my magic practice it is no different. When I am out in nature and I have an idea of what’s happening within me that day or have done for sometime I might get an indication that something needs doing. Spell work for me is rare and always based on intuitive messages only. I have to feel it strongly in my body, almost in a ‘no choice’, compulsive way before I perform anything. I don’t do things any other way these days. I like that ‘flash of inspiration’ shape and form it often takes. When the invitation comes or rather ‘this needs doing’ it is unquestionable and I get to work.
Often it is either a clear ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ before I even ask a question, which I rarely have to do. I suppose you can hold a question in awareness as opposed to seek the answer.
When a spell is brewing via intuition I might be called to a particular place at a certain time. When I am there I am usually showed the tools, which I need specifically for that spell. All I have to do is go and be open to what unfolds around me. It can be as simple as coming upon a stone or a branch or an image in the sky or a face on a tree. It can be a feeling, which to me is important. I need to have the feeling. It is hard to describe, but generally it must feel so right that it fills me with immense content and fulfilment. It is like when you really enjoy your work, for example, whatever that is, it is a feeling of doing something that feels important and right. It is full of meaning and powerful intention and there’s always a bit of love mixed into it. We all know what that feels like. In fact many spells come out of ‘love’ vibration or something linked to that. It is a sure sign to check if what you are doing is, indeed, the right thing.
I am often told these days to wait, to stay put, to be silent and invisible. This is vital during these times. There is a strong invitation in the collective benevolent not to do, but to be. I follow. It just feels right. We are called to pause in doing and speaking in general now more than ever and, however alien this might feel to you, this anomaly in collective behaviour is the exact magic that needs to build up more in order to manifest a bigger change for us, others and the world at large.
Listen to what your body tells you.
Pay attention to your thoughts and spend more time feeling.
These are just some practice steps that will bring you closer to your inner knowing, your intuitive wisdom. Reclaim that gift that’s always been yours and see if your life takes a different turn towards what you always wanted.
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