Back again

Do you know how you can feel stunted by pure hatred and ignorance. What does ignorance taste like? Bile, of yellow and beige, I think. The same vibe as jealousy. Well, being stunted is not like being in shock, but more like losing all of your senses, but feeing. No matter what you do, you can not stop feeling and you cannot get other senses back.

This happened in 2022. However, as I have discovered over the course of my life, in every tricky situation there is a blessing, a learning and even a transformation. And here I am, having spent the whole year stuck in a place of intense feeling, yet frozen and devoid of imagination and creative sparkle and that freeing sense of flow, I am claiming it all back. What I have felt through the emptiness and the ugliness of the physical and human was the beauty of the spirit. It’s defiance, strength, unwavering loyalty and an unshakable sense of purpose. This year will always stay with me as a year marking my homecoming in the most profound way. There might be and will be, no doubt, more of these periods coming, yet for today, I am here, sitting fully back with myself, writing again with all my senses back together in perfect partnership. 

Life is ugly and stunningly beautiful. It is cruel and violent yet filled with tenderness and grace. It is challenging and complex yet profoundly simple. As one great writer once said ‘do not look closely at life’ meaning the beauty is in simplicity, life itself, day-to-day sparks of joy and just being alive. From tragedy come revelations. A brush with death can release and propel us into living harder. 

Let us all remember to appreciate the journey and trust ourselves to know the right way forward even though quite often it is simply one day at a time, one step at a time, and when one day an expansive landscape opens up in front of us and we know we belong and feel that God within us like it’s our own heart, that’s what we all thrive for. 

Grab that joy with both hands and run with it until our legs are exhausted in satisfaction of being able to feel the earth underneath us and our face hurts from smiling too much and all that light within is a feeling one can never explain only that it tastes sweet and it is pure like heaven on earth.

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My life is…

I live my life dreaming of my life. It is like a mirror that is turned away from my actual self. I could never find words before for what I experience living my life, but now I see how its back is turned to me and I can only watch it from a dream distance, from afar that is beautiful. It’s neither disconnection nor a merging. It is two ends of the same string that never meet, but always observing in proximity of one another. It is neither unreachable nor allowing to meet as if a suspension is what I experience without ever knowing if it is permanent or temporary. Does it hurt? Not always. What does it mean? I hope or rather have faith in the two ends meeting one day and if it is never to be I know there will be a reason.

For now I live my life dreaming of my life or seeing others live it right in front of me. It makes me cry so, it makes my heart move in awkward positions, it twists me on the inside but also awakens something deeply felt inside. That is a sign that it matters, it has meaning, it is yearning to be completed and so for as long as there’s that craving of the soul and I can see the other end I continue in observation of the life that is my life but not yet.

Can Nature…?

Can nature heal

Can earth bring us back to our knees and pierce its ancient dagger through the heart

Can nature teach you who you are

Can a bird song inspire, delight and speak of both sorrow and joy

Can river wash away the debris of the worldly matter

Can mountain hold you in such a way you never wobble again

Can spring flowers inject a hope into our being

Can roaming animal body remind us of the raw wilderness within

Can the falling snow cover us in sheer enchantment

Can rain drops on the skin put us in touch with our bodies

Can a flight of an eagle inspire strength and power waiting to take flight inside of us

Can God bow before its majesty and weep tears of love

What is it that nature does and doesn’t that makes our lives worth living and speaks of meaning old as centuries

Of nature we are born and to its body we return

As outside so is within

What can be more life, meaning, strength and delight all at the same time

Nature is magic and matter, spirit and body

Bones and blood, skin and intelligence

All embracing…

One place we become whole, we come home, we know what we are

Naked ‘truths’

  • No one thinks about you as half as you think they do (everyone is pre-occupied with working out their ways around life)
  • Emotions are not the same as thoughts (emotions are more primal and instinctual, therefore more valuable in many respects)
  • Life is not about you (nature is not concerned if you are here or not, it just is)

    If something you desire doesn’t happen it is not meant to be (something better will come long meant just for you)

    Dreams do come true (both dreaming and action are required)

    Worry is a waste of energy (things that not happened yet and mostly unlikely to happen)

    You can do it all. Just need to work out what that ALL is for you (it might be less than you think if you really zoom in on essentials)

    Giving to yourself is far from being selfish (we are all here steering our own boat in search of a meaning, which does include helping and caring for others, but it is not everyone’s purpose)

    Kids are wiser than adults (yet untouched by absurdities of life and living the magic of what life is)

    Nature is the source of all life, all divinity, mystery, science and majesty!

    Have a lovely weekend

    The meaning of life is…

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Some questions are easy to answer and other questions have no answer only an exploration of possibilities and improve abilities. What about a meaning of life? For many the answer will be certain and definite and for some the question will never be answered fully or the answer will change as life evolves. Life is about meaning making whether we are aware of its doing or not. Unconscious or conscious we go through life performing tasks and engaging in dynamics that are either meaningful to us or have no identifying factor of meaning included in the experience.

    What is the meaning of life? Like everyone I have pondered upon the question and the closest answer I have come up with for me is that the meaning of life is life itself. It is the very act of living that creates meaning day-to-day. It is in finding what brings your heart and soul joy and then living through those experiences effecting yourself and others around you. Surely it’s got to come from the heart, so to speak, a place where one is truly content with what is in their life be it family, work, books, art or the natural world and al the things include in those categories, feelings, thoughts, dreams, goals. Expression of meaning can come through various undertakings throughout a lifespan and it is unique for everyone.

    What is the meaning of life for you?