A wild something screams out of the flesh, released for all to see The fear, horror, hopelessness With only one desire – not to exist
The uncontrollable despair comparable only to deep dark sorrow Once you experience sorrow, someone said, the depth is done, for it is sorrow that defines the darkest of darkness How does one continue after such exposure, sorrow repeated over and over?
But it continues… how, I don’t know What saves one? Logic, sense, love, meaning of some sort; all the things that can not be grasped at in moments of being stripped of all flesh
But it subsides, comes back into itself beaten, broken and bare yet somewhat whole Pierced with holes and stained with blood of a battle just passed But living, catching breath, continuing
I heard a whisper between sobs and spiky mess of the ravaged mind ‘Keep looking out’ For I was surrounded by mountains on one side and by a forest of the other Keep looking, seeing, let it be in elemental presence Oh how I tried to see with no vision and feel through the cracks of broken flesh. I tried yet failed
Another day came and the whisper persisted ‘Keep trying,’ it said and like a mother the vast landscape filled with light opened its arms To which it drew me in embrace And I was home again The fog lifted off my senses as mist released the water off its hold Revealing space, an openness, hope, a chance to take flight again, to take another breath
Writing gives me this rich, luxurious, extremely pleasant feeling that buzzes through my arms and into my fingers (just like magic does when I am in that dimensional self) and then the feeling settles right in my heart and in my throat and everywhere in between those areas. For those of you who are familiar with chakras you know what I mean about the heart and the throat areas. I think it is a simply perfect alignment and manifestation of the whole thing what is writing for me. Encapsulates its meaning wonderfully.
I can not tell you just how incredibly grateful I feel to have tapped into this dimensional self that had always been there but asleep for sometime now and this summer it’s reawakened. It happened amidst difficult silence that came into my day-to-day when suddenly clients disappeared, things got easier around me and I was staring into an empty space uncomfortably and then boom, it washed over me like a familiar scent. I never grounded it before, I realise now, and just kept it in my awareness but not engaging in any way other than observatory. This time it feels different as the feeling is very present and every day it is reaffirmed and amplified like a beacon of light that is shining from within. Truly wonderful experience.
This coming September I am planning on releasing a book of poems and I am excited to speak the words of my heart into the world. This is what my soul wants and I know it well and the last few months it has all been about what my soul wants. It is going to be my precious gift to my soul, to my craft, everything and everyone I love and the universe that I have experienced differently lately. The main heroine of the whole undertaking is, of course, Scotland.
What a roller coaster but at the same time it feels such a grounded something that suddenly slotted into place. Divine timing they call it and I am so on board with that.
I look forward to more writing magic that is here to stay.
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