Do not yearn for summer

Do not yearn for eternal summer

For it will burn your heart empty

When seeking to maintain its peak.

Much stronger is the fire internal

witnessed during the darker days.

As the Earth cycles

So are we.

Nothing stops and nothing stays the same

The rise and fall of life is necessary

For the variety is a tool of awareness.

Decay is transformation just as blooming is.

Without rest in death

There’s no seedling or reaching for the open.

There’s no lessons learnt in expectation of what might be.

There’s no mystery if dwelling in one place and same.

We must go places uncomfortable, dark, cold.

Do not yearn for eternal summer,

As winter is full of shine just as much.

A different kind, mute and murky

Dark but rich

Quiet yet wise.

Immerse in the darkness of each year with surrender

For the only way forward is through.

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Breakdown

A wild something screams out of the flesh, released for all to see
The fear, horror, hopelessness 
With only one desire – not to exist

The uncontrollable despair comparable only to deep dark sorrow
Once you experience sorrow, someone said, the depth is done, for it is sorrow that defines the darkest of darkness
How does one continue after such exposure, sorrow repeated over and over?

But it continues… how, I don’t know
What saves one?
Logic, sense, love, meaning of some sort; all the things that can not be grasped at in moments of being stripped of all flesh 

But it subsides, comes back into itself beaten, broken and bare yet somewhat whole
Pierced with holes and stained with blood of a battle just passed
But living, catching breath, continuing 

I heard a whisper between sobs and spiky mess of the ravaged mind
‘Keep looking out’
For I was surrounded by mountains on one side and by a forest of the other
Keep looking, seeing, let it be in elemental presence
Oh how I tried to see with no vision and feel through the cracks of broken flesh. I tried yet failed

Another day came and the whisper persisted
‘Keep trying,’ it said and like a mother the vast landscape filled with light opened its arms 
To which it drew me in embrace 
And I was home again
The fog lifted off my senses as mist released the water off its hold
Revealing space, an openness, hope, a chance to take flight again, to take another breath 

Because she wants to

Like a bare tree she stands in her naked beauty

Mixed in with the elements raw

Slapped by the wind and washed by the rain

With sunshine warming her bones

She is rooted despite

She is rooted regardless

She lives, loves and breathes for as long as her roots hold her

For as long as nature calls her a daughter, a mother, a crone

Women regenerate often and hard because they have to

In order to sustain life and bare witness to their eternal belonging to

Land and life

Love and loss

Surrender and sorrow

She stands like a bare tree beaten, shaped and twisted by the natural flow of things

But she lives and will bloom over and over because she wants to

Because she is the keeper of it all…the world, nature, land forever and ever

Writing reawakened

Writing gives me this rich, luxurious, extremely pleasant feeling that buzzes through my arms and into my fingers (just like magic does when I am in that dimensional self) and then the feeling settles right in my heart and in my throat and everywhere in between those areas. For those of you who are familiar with chakras you know what I mean about the heart and the throat areas. I think it is a simply perfect alignment and manifestation of the whole thing what is writing for me. Encapsulates its meaning wonderfully.

I can not tell you just how incredibly grateful I feel to have tapped into this dimensional self that had always been there but asleep for sometime now and this summer it’s reawakened. It happened amidst difficult silence that came into my day-to-day when suddenly clients disappeared, things got easier around me and I was staring into an empty space uncomfortably and then boom, it washed over me like a familiar scent. I never grounded it before, I realise now, and just kept it in my awareness but not engaging in any way other than observatory. This time it feels different as the feeling is very present and every day it is reaffirmed and amplified like a beacon of light that is shining from within. Truly wonderful experience.

This coming September I am planning on releasing a book of poems and I am excited to speak the words of my heart into the world. This is what my soul wants and I know it well and the last few months it has all been about what my soul wants. It is going to be my precious gift to my soul, to my craft, everything and everyone I love and the universe that I have experienced differently lately. The main heroine of the whole undertaking is, of course, Scotland.

What a roller coaster but at the same time it feels such a grounded something that suddenly slotted into place. Divine timing they call it and I am so on board with that.

I look forward to more writing magic that is here to stay.

Who would I be?

What would it feel like if I had you? Who would I be amidst your wild beauty?

A beast brave and strong

A delicate flower smelling like heaven

Or myself, just as I was born into the skin of this earth

How would we be together?

Standing close face to face or look upon each other from a distance seeing the brightest stars reflected in one another

In winter’s harshness would I revel in your majesty as much as in the greenness of your summers

Will I pray for the blessing that is you, that is the mighty spirit, the mother and father of my soul that had craved your embrace for all eternity?

Whatever way we might be together it will be glory and authentic knowing that the heart within my chest beats the same beat as your humming earthly core