Back again

Do you know how you can feel stunted by pure hatred and ignorance. What does ignorance taste like? Bile, of yellow and beige, I think. The same vibe as jealousy. Well, being stunted is not like being in shock, but more like losing all of your senses, but feeing. No matter what you do, you can not stop feeling and you cannot get other senses back.

This happened in 2022. However, as I have discovered over the course of my life, in every tricky situation there is a blessing, a learning and even a transformation. And here I am, having spent the whole year stuck in a place of intense feeling, yet frozen and devoid of imagination and creative sparkle and that freeing sense of flow, I am claiming it all back. What I have felt through the emptiness and the ugliness of the physical and human was the beauty of the spirit. It’s defiance, strength, unwavering loyalty and an unshakable sense of purpose. This year will always stay with me as a year marking my homecoming in the most profound way. There might be and will be, no doubt, more of these periods coming, yet for today, I am here, sitting fully back with myself, writing again with all my senses back together in perfect partnership. 

Life is ugly and stunningly beautiful. It is cruel and violent yet filled with tenderness and grace. It is challenging and complex yet profoundly simple. As one great writer once said ‘do not look closely at life’ meaning the beauty is in simplicity, life itself, day-to-day sparks of joy and just being alive. From tragedy come revelations. A brush with death can release and propel us into living harder. 

Let us all remember to appreciate the journey and trust ourselves to know the right way forward even though quite often it is simply one day at a time, one step at a time, and when one day an expansive landscape opens up in front of us and we know we belong and feel that God within us like it’s our own heart, that’s what we all thrive for. 

Grab that joy with both hands and run with it until our legs are exhausted in satisfaction of being able to feel the earth underneath us and our face hurts from smiling too much and all that light within is a feeling one can never explain only that it tastes sweet and it is pure like heaven on earth.

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At the door of Samhain

At the door of Samhain what often becomes open to us are our own abilities, gifts and things that we had always known but haven’t utilised or engaged with either recently or ever. It is a magical time when we naturally align with what is truly ours. I feel more myself at this time than at any other time during a yearly cycle. It explains my birth date and my spiritual beliefs based on the wheel of the year and seasonal and elemental connections that I live by. I am not alone in this either and what I find profoundly present at this time of year is women in general coming into their own whether you are aware of it or not. Many of us love autumn, we feel stronger, fresher, more rooted in our beliefs and responsibilities. We know well how to be with families, friends, children and partners. It is as if we step in our innate power and it feels comfortable.

This time of year is not without its challenges, however. Even though it feel
Magically charged, injected with confidence and knowledge of our direction we can still get derailed by things we don’t want to be encountering. Precisely that is when interferences will occur and some questions within us will arise, which we can not ignore, questions that need answering. It is the last part of the year and an opportunity to look at what we really need to leave behind and what needs to die within us, so we don’t drag it with us into the new cycle. It is the last chance this cycle to have a clear out.

Some of the themes for me this past few weeks had been about looking at my beliefs, my convictions and my choices going forward. Clarity and simplification. Self-care fundamentals and focusing on others. Rebirthing my magical self that’s gone to sleep of late. Getting out of my own head and becoming lighter and quieter in every sense. Working on it all required pure honesty to the point it felt like parts of me needed to be modified, removed or adjusted somehow and I felt that physically. On several occasions my hands would go into spasm of a sort like something would be realigning within, which I have allowed. It is a scary yet empowering process. I have had dreams of suggestion of huge transformations inside and out, the kind of dreams that make you jump out of bed. Things have been changing within and around me and I have been remodelled into something already known, not new, but not previously utilised or something better equipped going forward. The process is not over yet but it is coming to an end in the next two weeks, which will mark Samhain first and then my 42nd birthday, a significant number in my personal spiritual journey.

Whatever is happening with everyone around the universe I wish you all safe, glorious and beautiful transformations this season.

Much love and many blessings!

 

Letting things go

From the month of April and now in May (the most triggering time of the year for me) it has felt like the time to release finally and let go. This time it really IS the time. There is no choice or negotiation in this really, it simply needs to happen or the weight carried forward will interfere with any progress and growth and it is not needed.

Letting things go is such a strong vibe right now. Several things are falling off me in the next month or so and it feels releasing as if I am straightening my shoulders and taking in air in my lungs for the first time in a new way. Those things I am releasing are attached to my shoulders and back predominantly (where one imagine wings would sprout from) and feel like rocks when they detach and fall off me. They smash into pieces, big boulders and I feel so great seeing it happen. It is occurring in steps and stages and not in the same time and great patience is required. Expect mods swings and feeling useful, doubtful and uncertain. That’s okay. We are coming into a space of new and much better for sure.

Images that I get a lot these days is of butterflies and wings. Words that accompany images are transformation, rebirth, metamorphosis, keys, opening doors.
Stay put and drop all resistance. What will happen is such a big sigh of relief and lightness that we would be able to fly.

I am letting go of a few things on my blog too, all part of the process and listening to your inner wisdom is an important part of this exercise. If you hear it, do it, do it in a way that you are told from within.

Blessings!

Ostara 2017 – old and new

Greeting to the Spring Equinox (21 March)

Glad Bringer of Brightness, hail!

Maiden of Grace, Lad of Laughter.

Gifts of vigor are returning,

Spring’s surprise, rainbow’s embrace.

Quickened be the heart within us,

Opened be our souls to grace,

May the blessing be abiding,

Welcome sit in every face.

Celtic Devotional by Caitlin Matthews

What is present for me for the last few weeks is a feeling of renewal on one hand and things dying off on the other. This year, more so than ever before, it seems important to redefine how things are done and transformation of the old is crucial. The old that had been at work for many years previously is no longer operating to its optimum and like composted brown dry leaves of last year I am in need of burning the old off with the fire of transformation and birthing something entirely new, not known before, much stronger and clearer. Tapping into resources within me previously unused and stepping into the power not engaged. My intention is to put my past to rest, as I embrace the present and see my future in a different light.

I sit at my altar with my past to my left and my future to my right and I breathe in the present moment, which is right in front of me. Scents of Frankincense and Lavender in the air with a hint of daffodils’ aroma. It feels new, refreshing, full of vigour and energy to burst into a beautiful new something. I feel ready and I feel strong. I light green and purple candles, green for young and purple for old – Maiden and Mother in a dance together. Maiden is stepping forward to learn from the Mother of ways to renew and live a life to its full. I dream of blood and nakedness and as I sit at my altar covered only with a soft blanket I feel the readiness to step into the new, to be born again in a form previously unknown.

This year is significant in all ways of us transforming our lives and solidifying our ways and paint with new strokes and techniques. The canvas is bigger and colours are brighter and we are braver with our brushes as we sit to see what awaits us. Vision is clearer and life is enjoyable in ways simple yet we are more in touch with the basic instinct of seeking pleasure and love and moving towards joy. Not forgetting the past, but holding it in a safe place of knowing we had been through things and learnt from it. Ancestors are also very present, I feel, more than before, who feel incredibly supportive and they come to me in dreams with advice and approval.

As Imbolc this year for me was all about manifestation, Goddess support, and the seed being planted connected with destiny. Ostara is about old and new, birthing into the Sun of endless possibilities. It feels much more connected with a meaning far deeper than before. I feel as one with nature and aware of nature within me. As I go about my days I can smell and taste the Earth on my lips and feel the warmth of its soil in my cells. Strong sense of empowerment is around. The courage and vulnerability to cry, feel deeply, protect with no question and love fiercely – those are the qualities to be embraced this year for women, I feel.

Blessed Spring Equinox!

Dying gently

Take my frail body into your warm embrace

Lull me gently into oblivion, not of dark Abyss, but of deep purple spirit

With space expansive so I feel reborn in the whole of the spirit’s grace

Take my frail spirit and reunite it with the eternal light

Not of endless joy and glory, but of human love and warm compassion

Let me bask my soul in the golden light I merge with for eternity

Take my frail body back to mother, back to Earth

Let her natural instinct wrap me in her ever knowing blanket

Of moist soil and warm darkness

I rest here now and I rest forever knowing I arrived to where I started from

I am home