Collective praying

As my father was fighting for his life collective praying began in various corners of the world in ways each individual knew how, unique to them, in churches, at home, with kids, on the forest floor, at the kitchen table, in the mountains, by a river. In Siberia, Russia, Spain, Hungary, UK and Scotland the family joined forces in the collective healing ritual. We are all blood-tied therefore what each and everyone felt would transmit across land, sky, sea and any distance straight back to my father’s heart.

I walked the land and spoke to pines and forest floor so reminiscent of my birth land back in Siberian forest. Memories weaves through plants, insects and textures. Smells are the same, colours are the same, plants are the same and we joined in the language of reverence to spirit and protection for the heart so precious to us all.

I chanted ‘Dishi’ (breathe) as I planted myself firmer into the land taking deep breaths walking higher into hills and saw ancestors rising up, my grandparents, and father turning into a child, newly born. I spoke with conviction ‘not yet, not now’, Breathe, Wake up, and felt the struggle between life and death happening in my awareness and his parents standing ready.

He woke up, started breathing on his own to doctors’ amazement. And to us, it was the collective strength and praying that succeeded in the return of the spirit that is within this man. He wanted to live all along.

I will be grateful to this place forever and the fact that I was here at the time of my needing to be connected to the land that speaks the same language as my soul

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Dreaming alive

When it is no longer a dream that had haunted me for many years, I can breathe with new vigour and a steady rhythm. It feels unreal yet it is the reality standing in front of you in its raw state and the most stunning presentation that the soul no longer wants to fly with desperation towards it, but rests quietly in its soothing embrace.

Standing on the shore of Loch Tay earlier today I felt as one with the land in a fully physical sense yet it hardly seemed real I was there. I was there, however, I am here now and there is nowhere else I want to be more. I am here and my heart is full of contented calmness and a true familiar feeling of belonging. What this connection is about no longer matters, the search is over. It is just here, in this place and time where the land and I are one. I feel such deep genuine love for this place that I could never imagine possible to feel for anything or anyone. The land to me is a living breathing being and I have always known that. It speaks, expresses and touches me in ways I know as love. My breath is becoming more and more even as I inhale the land’s essence and as inside feels of the same material as outside my heart is no longer in despair of separation, it is at peace of knowing the love I feel, all consuming, forever…

Magical energy is subtle in this place like a lyrical romantic Celtic tune that penetrates you with its singing and invites you in its dance of harmony and rest. Gentle, something you have to learn to listen to in places and join in when invited to.

I dreamt of white animals last night after arriving here. Earlier today a white swan (swans has been a real symbolic thing this year for me) swam in front of me in the lake and then suddenly appeared right next me stretching its long neck in a sort of recognition and curiosity. I felt humbled once more. The gratitude I feel in the last two days is beyond description. I realise that as I continue to love deeply I must also be loved by many, who is making this possible for me to be here. So many hours I have spent looking at pictures of this place over and over again dreaming of the time of our meeting, never thinking it close enough or possible enough to reach and I finally made it here myself. I am happy and here I am as real as it gets.

Separation is often only in the mind and bridging the gap feels impossible when so many voices tell you it is not possible, it is too far, too tiring, too something… Who is really to say something is impossible? No one and nothing can ever stop you from doing something that your heart truly desires and if that something is all that occupies your energy then go for it. When you love something or someone, as I love this land, you have got to go after it. This is no longer a dream, it is constantly alive in my mind, heart and soul and when it calls I go, as to me it is clear that this is essential as the air I breathe.